Thursday, February 2, 2012

ガゼットのこと私の心にいる言葉、感じと愛。かかって来い!The words, feelings and the love I have for The GazettE. Come at me!


ガゼットのこと私の心にいる言葉、感じと愛。かかって来い!

The words, feelings and the love I have for The GazettE. Come at me!

 Yet another time of watching The GazettE’s NSLB Tokyo Dome Final Live Tour DVD and I still am not satisfied with having watched it the last I honestly don’t know how many times. Time and time again, when I have some or the other task to work with on my laptop—whether it’s a trifling thing or something very serious—I never for once fail to get the temptation jumping up in my heart to just sneakily go towards the search bar, type in “Tokyo Dome” and click on any one of the three discs’ video. Though I start to watch one, then seek the disc ahead to relive another favorite moment somewhere in the video, then having realized that I somehow finished watching this one video, I click the next one or two in line and play them over and over again till I get tired of minding the time which reminds me I am yet to even start with my task for which I brought the laptop to life for now. When I’m finally done with all the watching and regaining my pure love for them again, I realize that the time is way past than what I’d initially intended my deadline to be. Sighing, I notice a lazy smile unintentionally stretching its way across my lips and decide to post pone whatever task I had to do for a later time and close the lid of my laptop.

Given my nature for profound laziness, whenever I get to secretly immerse myself in such…things which I adore, respect, love and love to re-live, I can’t help but give in to that desire which makes me want to stop and indulge in whatever it is, though that might always not point towards the right direction, I get to feel awed. I told people that I fell in love with Japan all over again when I came back from that most wonderful country. But then again, that feeling is never lost within me—I get to fall in love with The GazettE over and over again with the mere watching of that one Final Live DVD.

Why I love The GazettE so much? Feh, you’re welcome to search for that answer along with me. Let’s make it a quest to hunt out for a proper answer for that question, shall we? It’s not because of the fact—yes, fact—that they’re all unbelievably gorgeous thirty plus year old men, who look as if they had been once dunked in the fountain of eternal glory and youth, or because they are more stunning than all those pencil thin ‘beautiful’ models and actors and other celebrities that the media and other forms of publicity always seem to parade around, or because I’m simply amazed at how a normal looking man can be so…so ‘OMG!’ {and when I say OMG, its always “Oh My GazettE” and NOT “Oh My God” as in ways more than one, The GazettE IS my god} or because they have so many, many fans all around this blue marble of a planet and I’m also itching to be just one among them, it’s not for the fashion. Or the glamour they have to present. My love is for none of all these bling bling factors. Though I never had to have added the fashion and glamour because it’s more of a natural asset to them.

It’s about that tingly feeling in you when you hear they’re going to release a new piece of music—I won’t say a ‘single’ or an ‘album’ because considering all that they’ve done so far, it never really makes sense to me to label their works like that; they are in the process of creating so much music, beside the scores of music already created, its endless…these guys put in so much into what they do that they seem to be working nonstop. So each new ‘single’ and ‘album’ for me is just a new piece of whatever feeling they have in their hearts at present.

I drew ire, criticism, ridicule and much more from a co-participant of a two week scholarship to Japan just because I loved The GazettE. Come on, people! It only counts when you have a serious reason to bully. After getting just a slight wind of how much my love for The GazettE is, this person goes so far as to create a fake ticket/”VIP backstage passes” of The GazettE, claiming that they’re to come to perform in Palace Grounds, Bangalore, Karnataka, INDIA in December (2011). This he did during our scholarship’s final local orientation as he wouldn’t get another, more glorious chance to play such a cheap trick at me. I got this really nagging doubt as to why The GazettE should go abroad elsewhere ignoring all those main league countries where their fan base is more predominant, while their TOXIC LIVE TOUR was going on. Still, blinded by the momentary illusion’s rush, thanks to his lie that he made sound so damn legit, I couldn’t help but scream out like a maniac every two minutes for the next week or so almost everywhere I’d think about it, not minding where I was.

Imagine being told and convinced out of the blue that the gods who you worship almost every second are going to come over to your city to perform and you’ve got VIP Backstage Passes? Who wouldn’t freak out? Who wouldn’t fall to such a shameless fraud when you’re so blinded with all the love you have for them? Who wouldn’t do what I did?

Having gotten permission from my damn strict orthodox family to attend their ‘Live-in December’ concert was something I couldn’t believe; I guess I must probably have gotten out of my way some time or the other about The GazettE that made my parents understand at least a little of it. Texting every contact on my phone to goad about how The GazettE was finally going to show up here so much that my phone’s credit talk balance would expire just as soon as I recharge it with more  money. I don’t think I have ever been more active than then in my life of sixteen years till now, not even when I heard that I had got selected to go to Japan for two weeks.

Again, I insist that in the midst of all this blinded celebration, there was always this rather huge question mark stuck right there in my head as to why I believed and going along so stupidly with this scandalous news. I now accept that I had been a fool back then, I couldn’t help but fall into the deviously schemed plan by that person. Stupid, trusting, naïve lamb that I was to always ignore that question mark and just go ahead and rush with gushing over it!

Then after the said ‘day when The GazettE were to perform’ had passed, this person has so much guts as to text me saying that it was all just a plain trick he played on me just to enjoy watching me make a fool of myself. Though I did retort quickly with a smart message that I’d known about his dirty intention all the time, and that I was going along with it just to fool him in the end, the regret has never left me. Fifty years from now and I will still be looking back at this incident with pure shame, loath and disgust. And from that day, I have ceased almost all contacts with that smart ass son of a bitch. I am a person who never succumbs to any sort of profanity and this is gone so out of my hands that I can’t swear at it all the time.

But in a way, I am sort of thankful—though I shouldn’t be in any way—to that person as I would never have realized the deep love, admiration, affection and all the other positive, overwhelming vibes of feeling I have for The GazettE if that person had never scorned me so much. But I am thankful for just that AND NOTHING ELSE. He should be counting his blessings that it has never occurred me to personally confront him about this and leave a huge shameful dent upon his personality; good lord, who knows what I might do to that person when I act on a whim all of a sudden! Now I really do understand what Shakespeare said when he said ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’. Because oh no, I’m not scorned! I am feeling something much more deeper than that, can’t really put a finger on what exactly it is.

I wonder if that person understands even just a little of how I feel, of all that I am now ranting. But something tells me the answer is just plain negative. That person should understand how it feels like when you are cheated out of those fantasies you dream about something you set your heart and soul into loving. The feeling is intense and is something you only get to know when you experience it in the worst state possible, I believe. I have been bullied, harassed and cornered in the last two years of high school even by people who were the most closest to me all because I loved Japan, and everything the culture. Never once did I care for that. I continued pursuing it with all my passion and I guess I’m now slowly reaping the fruits of that. It is disappointing when people bully you, play really childish and worthless tricks all because of a mere, fucking unbelievable invalid reason. Shame on those people. I guess their rejoicing in it only raises the bar for their stupidity and I don’t think I could possibly do anything about it but go about my own track and crack their foolish ideas by flaunting my success and my cool attitude in front of them. Maybe that would be more 
effective than a direct slap to the face?

Now that I’ve written this, I feel more calm and relaxed. It always helps me a lot when I open the lid of the laptop the moment I’m frustrated, vent it all out on the keys and then sighing so huge when I notice the heavy feeling being lifted from my chest. Yup, I’m done with this now. But one question remains in me: should I email a copy of this to that person and directly declare my disgust for what he’s done, no matter how good a friend he’d been to me before?
Help, please.



――――>I really love The GazettE so very much from my heart and from my soul, too. If anyone has a problem with this, then come at me straight!

---→私はガゼットが心からと魂からも本当にとても大好きです。そのことのついて誰が問題があると、私へ真っ直ぐかかって来い!