Monday, September 29, 2014

Skip a beat, for the Skip Beat lover.

Her heart quickens and skips a few beats altogether when she sees a new e-mail pop up, when his name is marked in thick, bold black letters, indicating that the new, unread message is from him.

The messages he has been sending of late have been hateful, dripped in antagonistic splashes of angry words, reflecting sorrow though he pretends it is not.

It hurts her too much.

But oh no, it is alright!

For any message from him, whether hateful or not, excites a new spark in her, makes her do a little mental jig of happiness for you see, each message from him means that he is well in health, that his heart beats just fine, that he is living.

Her love lives, and that alone is enough for her.

---

There will be no more of such heart beats quickening at his texts, for he will not text her anymore.

She, too, promised that she would not pen down anything to reach across to him.

She will have to learn to be contented with her heart beating fast when she merely recollects thoughts of him, of them.

She will have to learn it the hard way, and face life face on.

I, April Twelving, wish her good luck for she will need both luck, and her own severe perseverance from now on.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Japanese customs rubbing in is beautiful.

Ever since April started to learn Japanese, it was obvious that she was exposed to the culture, the customs and traditions of the Japanese (haha, funny how 'customs and traditions' are always wrapped together ever so unconsciously =^0^=) as its mandatory to fully or at least partially understand the taste and flavor of the country of origin of the language one is learning. Okay, that was too many ofs.

The Japanese in particular have almost everything 'synced' to their language--the seasons, feelings, the social strata ranking, everyday actions, and just about everything. Of course, its the same as any other language in the world, but with Japanese, its just a lot more than what meets the eye. Trust April there.

Its almost poetic, even. Okay, April is not sure but the line before this? She is very sure that she recalled that off of a novel. Mostly the Twilight series, she thinks. She's unsure, but she's sure enough that she recalled it off of a novel she has read before.

Many things that we do in everyday life might actually be frowned upon in the Japanese culture; paying someone cash/money just as it is--straight neat bills in the open air, walking with shoes on inside the house, not greeting each other at the appropriate times and places, eating styles, and even body hair. Yeah, that's right. April has heard that its eerily common for Japanese women to shave the hair on their hands. She says eerie because that's almost the exact word she had heard on a YouTube video. Okay, now April is deviating from what she wanted to say.

Anyhoo, April Twelving has gotten used to many of the things that are done the Japanese way. After having been exposed to it for quite a while now, she's always wanted to implement some, if not all, of those customs. Little did she know that her first try at one custom would actually make her feel dignified, distinguished, poised and all those 'graceful' words one would aim to hit upon a 'lady'. Right, that wasn't the intention. But what April meant to say was that it made her feel really good.

---

April has been frequenting a particular beauty salon since recently and the proprietor just happens to be her neighbor. The last week (probably, April has poor memory), April ran short of a small albeit good sum of money while paying at the salon. She'd requested the proprietor to let her pay it later, and completely forgot to pay her back as soon as she had promised.

Not that she meant to; she had told her father so many times as he gets to see and talk to that person almost every other day. But when it became clear enough that she could not rely on him anymore, given that he didn't step up to her request (not exactly one..), she decided to act.

While heading home after paying the internet bill, she bought a couple of brown normal sized (no, April doesn't exactly know what a normal sized envelope would be sized like. That was weird.) envelopes. She broke into a brisk walk to come home, got a pen the first thing while at the door, and even without shoes taken off, she ran to the nearest wall to pen the proprietor's name and hers in the front and back, added a 'Thank You,' and a 'Sorry I'm paying so late,' message in the front. Ran up, rang the doorbell, handed it to the proprietor's parents who were home after saying that she owed some money as payment.

After doing that, April marched with a proud heart, and a better, dignified sense of what is right. That honestly felt good that just handing over or shoving a bunch of crumpled bills under someone's nose.

日本のことかんぱいって感じが出ました。Yes, that had to be typed in Japanese.

---

On a side note, April just realized this evening that for the past few months, she has been the one paying the house's internet bill. She's been paying it out of her pocket, with the money earned from Listly. April feels proud of herself, and wants to accomplish more good things and viewpoints in life.

Off to studying Oracle now, for tomorrow's practical exam!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Damon is The dude April now pines for.

April's always had a thing for bad boys onscreen. Anime mostly.
Sesshoumaru was the hot favorite for a long time, along with slight preferences for Kouga.

I really want to know which episode this picture is from! 

And then there were so many others like Ranma. Well, he wasn't evil, but was a bad boy type nonetheless. Inu Yasha was one, too, but he was a tame pup. A hot, tame pup. A caring, hot, tame pup. April must stop with this. Yes, must. 


-------------------------

BUT BUT BUT! 

DAMON SALVATORE HAS NOW STOLEN APRIL'S HEART AND IS GOOD TO GO FOR AS LONG AS SHE FINISHES WATCHING ALL OF VAMPIRE DIARIES. 

There, confession done. 

So what if he is the antagonist in the first season? (Yeah, I read some Wiki spoilers, issokay. No biggie.) He is all that April ever dreamed of since before. Including the looks. That black hair aww! 

Nikki Reed sure is awesome for having Ian Somerhalder to herself now! 

WHAT a beeatch. <3

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Move On, Modern Family.

Saw a random episode from the fourth season of Vampire Diaries.
Damon Salvatore, ooh la la la.

Nothing more to explain.
First season downloading. Right now.


Adam Lambert made me laugh. In a good way.

While April was mulling (too much) over a broken relationship, heaps of studies and actual work pending and sat down with some properly premeditated notions to get to work, she found herself humming a tune long-forgotten, but which popped out just like that.

After catching the wind of the tune to be Adam Lambert's, she played the song on Youtube and sung along. Um no, shrieked along might be plausible.

This is the song!

The very first time April had seen Adam on television with his beautiful, thick, oh so glamorous make up and all that dashing charm, she had a special eye on him. Along with the feeling that he was a colorful person.





This feeling that April had begotten when having seen Adam for the first time proved to be true; now that April is much older than then, and having known that being colorful is a term used to address gay people, April googled if Adam Lambert was gay.


To her surprise (not really), Adam Lambert was gay, yes.


But the real surprise April had was this link:

This baby, right here :D

In that little moment, April's worries truly dissolved from her while she let out a carefree laugh. Yes, a laugh after days and nights of crying and anguish.





Death, you are not despised.

April welcomes death.

Monday, September 22, 2014

長い髪大嫌い。

最近とても忙しくて、色んなことの締め切りも守らなくて最悪な雰囲気です。
人がやってる仕事は人の実際を写れると言うのはやっぱりいいなと思う時、こんな長い髪を持ってる女は全然私見たいじゃねぇと思う。

この長い髪の重量はもう嫌だ。髪切ってもっと短いにしたい。
してる仕事に邪魔させないくらい長さが欲しいんだ。

男みたいな髪型何かないけど、もうちょっと短くして欲しい。
自由にいたいんだ。
ほら、この漫画キャラと同じはいいかもね。


Sunday, September 21, 2014

恋愛相手?

今日から、恋愛相手は多分、このブログにしようかな。
書くのがもちろん好きだけどね。。。



もういい。

最近、運が悪いです。


仕事に集中できなかった。
カメラを無くしてしまいました。
彼氏は私達のこと気にしていません。
私は彼氏と別れた。
買った新しいタブレットには何のアプリも入られない。
そのタブレットを直す方法は知らない。
それに助ける方のことなら全然知らない。
彼氏と話かけてみろと思ったが、彼はいつものふうに私達のこと気にいらん:そう見たい。
話してるテ一マのこと気にせず、別のこと話していた。
痛いよ。
痛い。
悲しみです。
寂しくなりました。
彼氏は話してる時、好きって二回言ってたけど、私を見ないで外の込んでる道を見てそう言った。
こんなのは愛かよ。
帰る時、母親が私の大事な本をおばさんの家に忘れてたって電話があった。
試験のために大切だったその本もういつ私に届けるか分からん。
試験は二日後。
大嫌いな父親は家にいた。
いつもの通り、私とまた喧嘩しました。
いっぱいの喧嘩。
私の状況を分からない父親と彼氏は両面にいます。
『彼氏』とまたチャット話かけるなんて痛いです。
酒を飲んだって嘘をついた。
彼はやっぱり気にしてない。
これからどうしようか分からん。

彼のことまだ大好きです。


いつもいつも愛してます。

















でも、もういい。
私はこんなに怪我されています。

私は彼と別れるのが大嫌い。

ーーー

もういい。

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Enough.

They were on the cliff, at the very edge
The break-up phase largely looming.
She cared, and for it, he did not budge.
She took the plunge, willing.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

When jerks make you look like one.

Set boundaries, and deadlines for your limits. When you give in, bow down and still are being hurled curses at, or mistreated even when you apologize, I think that is the right time to hit hard when the iron is hot; say no and ask those who treat you so to shut up and get out. You might be pained throughout--even when being treated very badly when you're apologetic, and you're not prolonging the hideous event, and you'd also be pained when you have to tell them to shut it. But its good for you, its good that you know where to set the line from being hurt over again. Its good indeed, when you have the courage to firmly say no though you're shaking, shivering and are a pathetic mess on the inside.

But what's bad and upsetting is that other person who doesn't see what you're going through, what you're giving up to make them happy, who doesn't see the line you draw to want to end the conflict, but only sees their own goal of creating bigger problems, to want to hurt you over and over though you've bowed down to them in respectful defeat.

Furthermore, when this person is involved in a life-bonding relationship with you, what are you left with anymore after saying no? It is one good thing that you mustered courage to stand up for yourself, but it is not one bit nice when that person doesn't want to bow down like you did, and only heaps further insults and heartbreaking comments on you, thus making you feel terrible.

It leaves you feeling empty, hollow, and utterly stranded though you have a hazy crowd living around you, and though your worldly tasks keep you fairly 'busy' while you're in constant pain over what happened with that person.

And no, writing down 'pain' wouldn't be felt unless you empathize. When you promise that you wouldn't break off things with that person though its been you who's faced with more negativity in the relationship with them, and when they voluntarily egg you on to break it off with them--mainly stating that doing that is an easy walk in the park, that's where you grow up; that's where you say that you can't go on being hurt like this when the larger part of the fault never was yours in the first place. Hope jerks don't go about reading this.

April writes this while in plain, naked sorrow, and sadness--and also in pure disgust at the conduct she had been subjected to. She puts down her feet at such treatment.