Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Misplaced draft of a post on hiatus

Take this as fiction? Then please do!! Depends on what you want to believe ^^ ~
But to the man who will come to love all my scars, too, I would suggest reading this while poised comfortably at a corner somewhere, with quite a lot of time to read this, take it in, and to perhaps re-read this before you choose to fall in love with me over what you read, and before you come to love all my scars, too.
***
Women and scars do not seem to always agree with each other. Sometimes, I think of one-sided love when I think of the two together; the scars keep pursuing the woman, but she doesn't like any of the attention and succeeds a little in evading most of it, and most often when the scars do get to the woman, it is as if they are in a hate-hate arranged marriage that took place in front of a thousand guests with the bride and groom both from respectable, "high-class" families in the society and thus breaking away from the marriage will be tough--the scars will run deep and will be forever etched on to the woman's skin.
If perhaps boiled down to one word, scars on a woman are perceived "ugly" by both her and the society, but on a man however, these lighting-like marks are looked upon as..."beautiful bravery" (Am I right or am I right?) Why should it be called so, why this larger-than-life exaggerated difference when there are just some streaks on the skins of the 2 largely recognized genders? Well, I am not going to bother answering that question because that will never probably exist within my scope of interest, as I care not for what the world wants one to think, but only about what one really wants to think.
But to continue further, let us agree on the note that scars on the skin of women are considered ugly by most of the societies, that they are viewed as unsightly abominations that should be tried with the utmost effort to erase and dispel for good.
A very common example for this would be the always omnipresent, fancifully worded "tiger stripes," or in cringe-evincing words, them "stretch marks". To be honest, which person does exist who does not have any one of these? Everybody does, yes? Models on the air-brushed, photoshopped covers of glossy and expensive magazines don't have them yes, but they do have them off of those covers.
Initially, I was under the impression that only women who have mothered would have these marks, and later I came to understand that those who undertake dangerous fasts for a long time in a fit of depression to try reducing weight will also have them, and there was a time when I had counted myself among the latter for a period of time whose briefness had a seriously damaging impact on my thoughts and self-confidence.
Not many children might give a fleeting thought about wanting to look at their body before a mirror at home with a seriously self-conscious point of view and I was the same. Sure, I might have had my "tiger stripes" for a long while but I never truly noticed them until I had a boyfriend of my own at the age of seventeen.
All through my childhood, there was not a day where I was ashamed of how who I was, of how I looked, how much I weighed...well, simply put, I did not like anything about myself and thus my confidence levels were always, always at the bottom of the seabed.
And then, my boyfriend happened. For whatever period of time I was his and he mine, it was beautiful, and incredibly amazing. I take this line from the Twilight novels but he was really "like the sun," too bright, positive, healthy, very encouraging and always loving. He would always talk about how he loved me for whom I truly was, in every way, while accentuating it with loving kisses and gentle nuzzling.
He kept me going when I really did not want to at all. He was my happy sun.
It was while with him that I noticed more about my body, though I should have retrospected more on my self instead. It is now too late to realize this but I do so with a smile. I saw the vast scattering of the stretch marks on my body, and in my mind I saw him being disgusted with what he saw on me. In reality, that never happened, the "sun" kept on shining no matter what, but in my ever negative thinking, that was always the case.
That was about 4 years ago from now and he is now no more my sun indeed. But that is not the story I choose to recount. He was a beautiful part of me in every way but now only in my very rare thoughts. The crux here however, is that this was my first encounter with my scars, the very first time that I noticed them, and how much I resented them "with every fiber in my being".
***
A wonderful state of near-nirvana was what I came into sometime in 2016 after finishing up with university classes, and it was exactly then that I became whom I now am; I laughed out at how silly my negativeness had always been when there was never anything to fret over in the first place, and I realized that there was never any reason to resent my scars or resent anything about my self. Why choose to self-inflict hurt over something that is not even worth it? Why not be happy with what is in my palm, and in me or on my face and body?
It was exactly then that I became more carefree than ever before and did what I wanted to, speak and do what I really wanted to. Now, that sort of carefree attitude is the type that will bring about more scars and physical..."damage" --> I would ride my cycle faster and if I fell, I would fall and get hurt, and earn a scar or two. But I would love the thrill that it brought, the absolute learning experience that it brought, and I definitely adored the "newness" of that experience and the pure simple-minded bliss it brought when I accept the hurt, choose to embrace it and move on with a smile.
I would paint the switches at home in yellow and blue and accidentally stain some paint on a favorite t-shirt and that blotch would never go away. I would try to cut something in the kitchen and accidentally hurt myself. I would walk out in the rain to simply do it and get wet. I would laugh out loud at something silly I see on my phone (a refreshing, humane habit I picked up from the ex-boyfriend). I would sob until I was breathless over a silly sad scene. I would quit work for a day or two just to finish reading a new romantic manga series I found online.
I would wave to happiness and sadness with both hands and welcome them as friends, clasp their palms tight and love them equally for I saw more thrill, novelty and rich instances of rewarding learning from whatever they brought about.
This was last year, in 2016. It is now the end of August, 2017.
Today, I can cheerfully recount a few of the scars that I earned after the near-nirvana stage started out -- scars which I would have wanted to get rid off no matter what, even just a few years before.
Yesterday, on 2017 August 28, when it could have been around 08:50 in the morning, I had an accident and it was this that prompted this rather long blog entry. I noticed that ever since I started accepting life for what it is, accidents constantly befall me and to be truthful, most of them are not my fault but are mere, freak incidents that happen in a flash.
The fall on the 28th made me aware that it is not just simple things or little scars that I need to learn to accept but also bigger, more serious things...like accidents, permanent damages that will cripple out my dreams of being physically active. This scares me like nothing ever has. I wonder if this is some sort of punishment for wanting to live life happily and being content with whatever I am faced with?
The very thought that I will not be able to walk 4 km in a stretch and be ready for another bout of cycling, that I will not be able to trek as much as I want, that I will not be able to conquer a circuit or two of cycling or trekking, or try my hand at scuba-diving and swim until I am out of breath, that I won't be able to share physical love with the man who comes to love me without the pain flaring from my past wounds scares me more than my phobia of butterflies has ever done or ever will. The grave, impending events that could leave me handicapped at living life out like I have been for the last year has left my mind at a very vulnerable state.
I cry a bit about it, and when the tears have dried, I let out a "Feh" and go into a numbing silence -- over and over, all my life so far, I have become numb to mental pain and suffering. But this new addition of also having to regularly experience physical pain is something I do not like, and is something I truly fear very much.
An infant when he falls down hard, will not probably cry that much if he is alone, but when he is surrounded by somebody else who show him some sympathetic looks, he bursts out instantly and wails like there is no tomorrow.
Right after I fell from my scooter, I faced a most excruciating pain in my left knee as it directly crashed into the road, and my usual strong resolve went crumbling when I realized immediately that this could take away something big from my...being.
About 3 people passing by instantly came rushing to my help and were most kind, and I am much, much grateful for them for if not for them, my hand or fingers might have been crushed by a bus...
I was the super-strong lady who wouldn't bat a wet eyelid despite having had a very bad fall in front of them. But when I bade them goodbyes and proceeded to ride back to my workplace, I sobbed uncontrollably hard because...because I felt lost at how all of the utterly wretched things happen to me over and over, and because I never deserve them! Well now, nobody ever deserves all the bad things that happen to them in the world over, true, but at that moment when you have just been landed a blow, it is only yourself that you think of and not the world. I had to repeatedly chant out loud that it is going to be okay, that nothing will happen, that even if something did happen and if it would leave me locked out from the life I want to live, it is okay, that I will still find a way back into it, a way back into doing what I love.
Today is 2017 August 30, and I am continuing this blog entry. I am still calm and composed at my situation, my self-consolation as typed-in above still ring in my mind, but I still fear.
I have resigned and reigned in my feelings and chosen to accept whatever comes my way and I will never regret that. But yet, I fear that which will come my way. Is this fear rational or...not? That is rather out of importance for me though...
What do I fear? Well, I sort of mentioned that way above, but it is not just for myself that I fear.
Earlier,
When hurt, the body and mind need to rest and recuperate to get back to at least half of what its stance was before the healing process started out. 
I hope that the man who will come to love me, if he is as broad-minded as I thought or would think on falling in love with him, will not be surprised at my stretch marks or the scars that I have garnered over the years, and more than that, I hope he would not be as surprised at the physical ones I will garner in the years to come even while trying to do the silliest of things.
I have become a child of the earth now, taking in whatever life brings to me, and am content with keeping it close to me.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Random. From November 2013.

There are always playful things in life. But there's always that point of time where that playfulness becomes something else if not redirected or restricted. Wow I wrote prose again after months

Monday, August 28, 2017

To the man who will come to love all my scars, too. - Hiatus as of 2017.Sep.06

Take this as fiction? Then please do!! Depends on what you want to believe ^^ ~

But to the man who will come to love all my scars, too, I would suggest reading this while poised comfortably at a corner somewhere, with quite a lot of time to read this, take it in, and to perhaps re-read this before you choose to fall in love with me over what you read, and before you come to love all my scars, too.

***

Women and scars do not seem to always agree with each other. Sometimes, I think of one-sided love when I think of the two together; the scars keep pursuing the woman, but she doesn't like any of the attention and succeeds a little in evading most of it, and most often when the scars do get to the woman, it is as if they are in a hate-hate arranged marriage that took place in front of a thousand guests with the bride and groom both from respectable, "high-class" families in the society and thus breaking away from the marriage will be tough--the scars will run deep and will be forever etched on to the woman's skin.

If perhaps boiled down to one word, scars on a woman are perceived "ugly" by both her and the society, but on a man however, these lighting-like marks are looked upon as..."beautiful bravery" (Am I right or am I right?) Why should it be called so, why this larger-than-life exaggerated difference when there are just some streaks on the skins of the 2 largely recognized genders? Well, I am not going to bother answering that question because that will never probably exist within my scope of interest, as I care not for what the world wants one to think, but only about what one really wants to think.

But to continue further, let us agree on the note that scars on the skin of women are considered ugly by most of the societies, that they are viewed as unsightly abominations that should be tried with the utmost effort to erase and dispel for good.

A very common example for this would be the always omnipresent, fancifully worded "tiger stripes," or in cringe-evincing words, them "stretch marks". To be honest, which person does exist who does not have any one of these? Everybody does, yes? Models on the air-brushed, photoshopped covers of glossy and expensive magazines don't have them yes, but they do have them off of those covers.

Initially, I was under the impression that only women who have mothered would have these marks, and later I came to understand that those who undertake dangerous fasts for a long time in a fit of depression to try reducing weight will also have them, and there was a time when I had counted myself among the latter for a period of time whose briefness had a seriously damaging impact on my thoughts and self-confidence.

Not many children might give a fleeting thought about wanting to look at their body before a mirror at home with a seriously self-conscious point of view and I was the same. Sure, I might have had my "tiger stripes" for a long while but I never truly noticed them until I had a boyfriend of my own at the age of seventeen.

All through my childhood, there was not a day where I was ashamed of how who I was, of how I looked, how much I weighed...well, simply put, I did not like anything about myself and thus my confidence levels were always, always at the bottom of the seabed.

And then, my boyfriend happened. For whatever period of time I was his and he mine, it was beautiful, and incredibly amazing. I take this line from the Twilight novels but he was really "like the sun," too bright, positive, healthy, very encouraging and always loving. He would always talk about how he loved me for whom I truly was, in every way, while accentuating it with loving kisses and gentle nuzzling.
He kept me going when I really did not want to at all. He was my happy sun.

It was while with him that I noticed more about my body, though I should have retrospected more on my self instead. It is now too late to realize this but I do so with a smile. I saw the vast scattering of the stretch marks on my body, and in my mind I saw him being disgusted with what he saw on me. In reality, that never happened, the "sun" kept on shining no matter what, but in my ever negative thinking, that was always the case.

That was about 4 years ago from now and he is now no more my sun indeed. But that is not the story I choose to recount. He was a beautiful part of me in every way but now only in my very rare thoughts. The crux here however, is that this was my first encounter with my scars, the very first time that I noticed them, and how much I resented them "with every fiber in my being".

***

A wonderful state of near-nirvana was what I came into sometime in 2016 after finishing up with university classes, and it was exactly then that I became whom I now am; I laughed out at how silly my negativeness had always been when there was never anything to fret over in the first place, and I realized that there was never any reason to resent my scars or resent anything about my self. Why choose to self-inflict hurt over something that is not even worth it? Why not be happy with what is in my palm, and in me or on my face and body?

It was exactly then that I became more carefree than ever before and did what I wanted to, speak and do what I really wanted to. Now, that sort of carefree attitude is the type that will bring about more scars and physical..."damage" --> I would ride my cycle faster and if I fell, I would fall and get hurt, and earn a scar or two. But I would love the thrill that it brought, the absolute learning experience that it brought, and I definitely adored the "newness" of that experience and the pure simple-minded bliss it brought when I accept the hurt, choose to embrace it and move on with a smile.

I would paint the switches at home in yellow and blue and accidentally stain some paint on a favorite t-shirt and that blotch would never go away. I would try to cut something in the kitchen and accidentally hurt myself. I would walk out in the rain to simply do it and get wet. I would laugh out loud at something silly I see on my phone (a refreshing, humane habit I picked up from the ex-boyfriend). I would sob until I was breathless over a silly sad scene. I would quit work for a day or two just to finish reading a new romantic manga series I found online.
I would wave to happiness and sadness with both hands and welcome them as friends, clasp their palms tight and love them equally for I saw more thrill, novelty and rich instances of rewarding learning from whatever they brought about.

This was last year, in 2016. It is now the end of August, 2017.

Today, I can cheerfully recount a few of the scars that I earned after the near-nirvana stage started out -- scars which I would have wanted to get rid off no matter what, even just a few years before.

Yesterday, on 2017 August 28, when it could have been around 08:50 in the morning, I had an accident and it was this that prompted this rather long blog entry. I noticed that ever since I started accepting life for what it is, accidents constantly befall me and to be truthful, most of them are not my fault but are mere, freak incidents that happen in a flash.

The fall on the 28th made me aware that it is not just simple things or little scars that I need to learn to accept but also bigger, more serious things...like accidents, permanent damages that will cripple out my dreams of being physically active. This scares me like nothing ever has. I wonder if this is some sort of punishment for wanting to live life happily and being content with whatever I am faced with?
The very thought that I will not be able to walk 4 km in a stretch and be ready for another bout of cycling, that I will not be able to trek as much as I want, that I will not be able to conquer a circuit or two of cycling or trekking, or try my hand at scuba-diving and swim until I am out of breath, that I won't be able to share physical love with the man who comes to love me without the pain flaring from my past wounds scares me more than my phobia of butterflies has ever done or ever will. The grave, impending events that could leave me handicapped at living life out like I have been for the last year has left my mind at a very vulnerable state.
I cry a bit about it, and when the tears have dried, I let out a "Feh" and go into a numbing silence -- over and over, all my life so far, I have become numb to mental pain and suffering. But this new addition of also having to regularly experience physical pain is something I do not like, and is something I truly fear very much.

An infant when he falls down hard, will not probably cry that much if he is alone, but when he is surrounded by somebody else who show him some sympathetic looks, he bursts out instantly and wails like there is no tomorrow.
Right after I fell from my scooter, I faced a most excruciating pain in my left knee as it directly crashed into the road, and my usual strong resolve went crumbling when I realized immediately that this could take away something big from my...being.
About 3 people passing by instantly came rushing to my help and were most kind, and I am much, much grateful for them for if not for them, my hand or fingers might have been crushed by a bus...

I was the super-strong lady who wouldn't bat a wet eyelid despite having had a very bad fall in front of them. But when I bade them goodbyes and proceeded to ride back to my workplace, I sobbed uncontrollably hard because...because I felt lost at how all of the utterly wretched things happen to me over and over, and because I never deserve them! Well now, nobody ever deserves all the bad things that happen to them in the world over, true, but at that moment when you have just been landed a blow, it is only yourself that you think of and not the world. I had to repeatedly chant out loud that it is going to be okay, that nothing will happen, that even if something did happen and if it would leave me locked out from the life I want to live, it is okay, that I will still find a way back into it, a way back into doing what I love.
Today is 2017 August 30, and I am continuing this blog entry. I am still calm and composed at my situation, my self-consolation as typed-in above still ring in my mind, but I still fear.

I have resigned and reigned in my feelings and chosen to accept whatever comes my way and I will never regret that. But yet, I fear that which will come my way. Is this fear rational or...not? That is rather out of importance for me though...

What do I fear? Well, I sort of mentioned that way above, but it is not just for myself that I fear.
Earlier,

When hurt, the body and mind need to rest and recuperate to get back to at least half of what its stance was before the healing process started out. 

I hope that the man who will come to love me, if he is as broad-minded as I thought or would think on falling in love with him, will not be surprised at my stretch marks or the scars that I have garnered over the years, and more than that, I hope he would not be as surprised at the physical ones I will garner in the years to come even while trying to do the silliest of things.
I have become a child of the earth now, taking in whatever life brings to me, and am content with keeping it close to me.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

A comment to a Japanese friend's Facebook post

親としてすごく頑張っていますね。娘さんはきっと立派なLadyになれると思います^0^だれにだって自分自信と自分勝手な思いがあります。が、時間の流れによって、得てきた色々な経験によってどんな思いが良いのかなど自らの決定をするときはいつでも遠くはないでしょう。中学生である娘さんはきっとそういうちゃんとした決定をする方になると信じています!     (私の日本語で何か間違いがあったらどうもすみませんでした!)

It isn't like I frequently get to write emotional or deep-sounding stuff in Japanese, so added the final bracket-content to be on the safer side in case what I meant to say didn't go through~

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Intern at Infinity posts, shifted here

Day 04. 04-09-2015.

Morning!
It is now 09:44 and I am yet to bathe and get ready; must get a bus by 11:00. I've proved yet again that I'm a hopeless sucker for romance by watching "Emma, a Victorian Romance"/"英国恋物語エマ" all morning, about three episodes so far. One more left! Woo!
Anyhow, its time for me to stop with Emma now and get on with getting everything ready. Today's lunch has been already packed.. I've a box of curd rice and smaller box containing fried ladies-fingers. I never usually like ladies-fingers without mixing it up in rice. But I'm learning to eat it straight. Progress huh. I'll keep updating on the go. Off I go now! Clock out: 09:47
Finished watching Emma, left home at 10:55 and that was already late by my count. I was getting very irritated when I was at the bus stand for nearly six 225C buses that I need on MY side were passing on the other side of the road. Saw three old ladies trying to hail three Ola Cabs by just holding out their hands; they didn't know it is to be booked through the app, this is what they said, "Oh, this is that famous Ola they're all talking about!" I was then very lucky to have gotten on my bus at 11:15 and 25 seconds, nearly ten minutes after I got to the bus stand. Empty seat--yay! Going back to reading Anne Rice's Taltos.
Clock-in: 13:09: Got a 317J as it was leaving the platform at Majestic. Had to run very hard and fast to manage to get on to it. Good compensation for missing out my run on the treadmill this morn. Paid the last Rs. 20 from the "spending" part of my purse, there goes my change. A child threw up onto the platform of the bus, splattering it onto those who were near her; the woman standing behind me wearing clothes that seemed expensive was drenched with vomit on her pants, but I had a narrow escape.I alighted at the SAME time as yesterday!! 12:55, give or take a minute!
Inside RMZ Infinity, ate my curd rice, curd rice's water remnants spilled into my loaned handbag. Oh what joy. But nonetheless, after lunch and little more of Anne Rice, I headed inside to my work area at 14:01.
Today, I have 14:00 - 23:00 shift. Waited for my trainer at the entrance next to the reception at TR. Waited for a solid twenty minutes before deciding to go over to the F&R(Finance and Risk) Department's cubicles and voila! My trainer was there already! I asked in wonder as to how he got there--I'd been at the entrance all this time, how did I miss him? He gave a chuckle and said that he came through the pantry entrance. Um, wow. I didn't know there was a pantry entrance till then! Well, no surprise there as I still haven't explored around the office. It is...sad that no one bothered to give me a little tour of the workplace--I was just whisked off into Beta, and then the Alpha conference rooms since Day 01 for the training sessions.
I was waiting at the entrance instead of staying AT the F&R Department's cubicle like I do everyday because it is simply awkward to sit there with no work on my hands, waiting for my trainer while everyone else around me are being busy-bees. Bo-ring. While I was sitting there, reading Anne Rice yet AGAIN, the lady from the front-desk who always smiles back at me seemed to have recognized me from behind (thanks to either my obnoxious hair or my pretty handbag...) and asked me who I was waiting for. "Uh...Mr. S..) "Oh, alright." *Flashes a smile and walks away*
My trainer had a meeting from 14:30 - 15:30. So he asked me and Mrs. B who is also now in-training with me on O&D (Officers and Directors) to get to a desktop and practice what he had taught so far on a few companies. And every company we searched--Apple, Sony, Motorola, Lenovo, Wipro--had compensation details in the 10-K forms! They all reported that it was available in the "Proxy Statement" And what is that?! No idea. So we HAD to while away the time. During then, Mrs. B revealed that it was her birthday when people around came over to wish her. She even split half the kaju-barfi this other person gave her, and gave it to me. How sweet :) She showed me the pages upon pages of Japanese scripts that she had been practicing till 03:30 this morning! It must be very taxing for her to do so much what with job, her family and her twins. Oh yes! She showed me the very cute greeting card her twin girls had made for her birthday. Also, her husband's birthday is on the same day! But disgruntled, she said her hubby wasn't in town, so the celebrations would be postponed to the weekend.
Was dictating Japanese words to Mrs. B to practice with; she had to write them down in her book in the hiragana and the katakana scripts.
It was nearing 15:30 and I was constantly looking down at my watch, then up and across at the Alpha conference room to see if my trainer was ready for us. Mrs. B noticed me so and laughed, asking "Do you really think it'll end at the time they say?" Me: "Yeah.." Well, booyah. Nothing really starts/ends on time even here at TR. Surprisingly. And when I say nothing, I only mean what I have seen so far.
Later, at around 15:45, we told our trainer that we HAD to waste time as we couldn't find the compensation details and only then does he tell us that we are to refer another form in cases like those -.- Feh. Well issokay, we got to learn :)
---
Break from 17:00 - 17:40. Mrs. B went out to meet a relative who had come near RMZ to wish her and so I was left alone. I bought a Paneer Roll (Rs. 25) and a pack of Potato Crispies (Rs. 10) from the pantry and headed out to read a little more of Taltos.
Went back at 17:35, Mrs. B came in five minutes later. What, people, why do you seniors come so late with an irresponsible aura?
Mr. S, my trainer, gave me and Mrs. B a test paper containing four sheets printed on both sides asking real-time case questions that we took a LOT of time to fill out before discussing them. After which, he made us work a little on an example company. Then, he wrapped up at 18:55 after filing for my cab at 21:00. Yeah, leaving at 23:00 is a waste when he's wrapped up for the day. Spent the rest of the time next to Mrs. B at her cubicle. And I finally got to check out the restroom that is on the other side of the office, a little away from the Alpha conference room. Yay! (Really yay!)
Mr. S gave me the Japanese Market Help Glossary printout after I reminded him about it. I headed over to the pantry to eat my little box of fried ladies-fingers. Bought a really fulfilling cup of Masala Buttermilk (Rs. 10). I took the pantry entrance from within the office! After asking for directions to it which a few employees seemed to find weird. (Hello, new intern here!)
I really liked the Glossary. Oh well, I got back to Mrs. B's place again and stayed there till 21:10 looking up the Glossary. Left to the basement, found my name again for Cab 14 (Rajarajeshwarinagar). Searched ALL over and finally found my cab parked at a separate space. O.o I wanted the front seat but it was already occupied >< And I thought I left early, haha. Settled next to the window on the right side, two other employees came in and away we zoomed!
Looks like TR's cab arrangement has been very messed up since yesterday--the day I first got the cab. Earlier, it was very co-ordinated. Some luck huh.
Was reading Jane Austen's Emma, reached home at 22:20. Not bad at all eh. What else, dinner and sleep. I'm way too tired.





Day 05: 04-10-2015


Hi!
I'm writing this a day later as I was too tired to blog yesterday. I might not get to type in most of what I had really want to say as I might have forgotten it. For a person like me who forgets things that happened mere minutes ago, recalling the previous day's events is truly a difficult task. And I'm so not exaggerating that.
I got up a little late; wanted to get up at six, had set an alarm, had asked my mother to wake me up should I not hit the shower by 06:05. My hair had already become dirty given that it had been a little more than four days since I washed it last. So I HAD to wash it yesterday no matter what. With that said...I woke up at seven. I wouldn't have if not for some part of my mental subconscious kicking at me, yelling at me to get the hell out of bed. When I asked mum as to why she did not wake me up, she replied saying, "You looked so tired that I couldn't help but not wake you." NO, Mamma, no no no!! Don't be nice to me on dirty-hair days like these! Yes, that's what I told her.
As I knew the bus schedules to get to RMZ Infinity pretty well by yesterday, I decided to leave home at 11:30; anyhow I go nearly an hour or an hour and a half early prior to my reporting time. So why leave so early, why not a little late? But sigh, there was my conscious pricking me again saying its okay to be early, but that it shouldn't be tolerable should I report a minute later than 14:00. Oh yeah, yesterday was the 14:00 - 21:00 shift.
Anyhoo (yes, anyhoo, not "anyhow"), after standing my way through BOTH the buses, I managed to get to RMZ Infinity at the very same time as the two previous days though I doubted I'd be late. Finished my lunch - lemon rice and was completely immersed in Emma by Jane Austen, and I finished reading it! Somebody just then, seemed to call me "Stupid". I looked up to see my current classmate from Christ University, Kavya Arasu, standing just in front of me with her sister. After a quick hug, she told me that she's working for Ernst and Young as an intern. I wanted to know more, but couldn't as my shift would start in just five more minutes. I told her so and left to get to my cubicle. 
---------------------
Guess what, my trainer Mr. S was put to the night shift! But kind-kind, sweet Mr. Arn (not giving out the full name here) helped me in setting up a computer--a desktop of an employee who was allotted the night shift yesterday--and giving me a list of companies to practice on with and such. While the setup was going on, I asked Mr. Arn as to how long he's worked with TR, how long it took for him to get to working with the O&D MOW (Method of Work). He said he was here since 2007 (if I recall right) and that he took about 3 months to warm up to it. And I go like, wow. And WHAT am I going to accomplish in a freaking month and sixteen days? O.o Ms. Pall D was asking if I'd gone through the Japanese Market glossary I received the day before and that I must write down any doubts that I might have on it before Ms. Zhang Y would call on me to give me the Japan Market's MOW. 
There's not much to say after this because working on that company's Annual Update took me all of the day till my shift ended!! 
Of course we used to nod to everything our trainer told us during the training period, but this is different, this is the real thing. And this is where EVERYTHING that was said during the training tenure magically vanishes from your brains, leaving you blinking and trying to grope the thin, empty air and also your hair in confusion. :/ So yes, me and Mrs. B were working on that the whole day--she was on training, too. Good for us both, yay! It is so nice to have gotten to know Mrs. B from my very first day. She seems to be a great person, is easy-going and its not difficult to forget that I'm talking to a mother-of-two when I'm with her for she is very much youthful in her spirits. 
At 17:00, we were both ravenously hungry. She invited me out to eat Chaat. Confused as to where we'd get Chaat in the building, I said yes and she led me to the little (like, compact sort of little) pantry inside Thomson Reuters at Block A (ours is the building at Block E). This pantry is small, cozy and sort of like a cocoon right in the middle/corner of the office. I like it better than the one at Block E. We ordered Paav-Bhaji (Rs.30) and Dahi-Puri (Rs. 20). She told me stories and her memories of how nice it used to be at "Thomson" before the merger of "Thomson Reuters," with them celebrating different kind of events. She told me how she came by Japanese and why she picked--why she's picked it up just last year! Later when I held out my purse to pay, she beat me there; she paid first and paid for my share, too! She flatly refused to accept money from me, saying it was just fine. Now I feel guilty for not even giving her a birthday present. I must do that.
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We were back at our desks at five minutes to 18:00. There's this at Thomson Reuters--you go out when you need a break and no one's really going to ask questions because they know that you need that break, that you've done your very best till then. Well, that's at least what I think... Stomach filled and satisfied, I worked on the company and finished it. Don't even ask me if what I did was correct, for I am very sure that I was not. I did my best though, won't lie there. Kavya called me. I answered it and told her in a very low voice to text me. When I said "text," I meant normal text messaging (SMS), but I'm so glad to have an understanding of Kavya; I quickly got it into my head that she must have surely interpreted that as "Whatsapp" and correct I was! She texted that she was leaving, asked if I could meet her and that she was standing right outside TR. I told her I was sorry, that I was working. "Maybe Monday?" She said OK to it and left.
Marked down all the doubts that had popped up during the course of working on the company and asked Mr. Arn if he could clear those out. He was busy, said he'd help in five minutes--and in the end, he came over when I was leaving >< Oh well, I told him I'll ask on Monday.
I need to overcome my shyness/fear of talking to Ms. Pall D (again, not full name!). I wanted to ask her if she would send an email for my 21:00 cab at 18:30, but I couldn't bring myself to ask that until VERY much later. I assumed that she hadn't sent an email for 21:00, and that I had to only go back in the 23:00 cab. So nice of her. I'd spoken to Mr. S over the phone and Mr. Arn if I was in the 21:00 cab and they both told me not to worry--Mr. S told me to use his name just in case. That was really nice of him. :) 
Again, the damned mess-up of the cabs -.- My area was scheduled for Cab 15 and that was one of the few cabs that DID NOT have its number put up in the front-window. I quickly confirmed my name for the 21:00 cab and went up to Block A's pantry a TR to buy two little chocolate bars as I was hungry. Had no change, so I gave the Rs. 10 Sodexho coupon I got a few days ago at the Block E TR pantry. Paying in Sodexho is that common when you're working at such a global company eh.
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Went back to the parking lot, walking faster this time. Two other people of my area came over and only then did we manage to spot our cab--though "15" was still not put up in the front; one other person, Mrs. R, wouldn't come with us for she was on the night shift. Made it home safely by 22:16~











Day 06: 04-13-2015


Because today is my first day to get a cab ride to work, I was over-hyped and ended up waking up at 04:40. Got ready very quickly--had kept ready my clothes and my bag to work the last night--munched on Chocos for breakfast at 05:15 and was fired up! Mr. S, my trainer had told me that I should expect the car by 05:30 or at the max, 06:15, and that I must call the help desk of the cab service if it still doesn't come.
At around 02:30-ish while I was sound asleep, my phone buzzed--there was an automated text that gave me my driver details. Strangely, when I called that number at 06:00, it said that the number did not exist. I got a call from yet another number, from another driver who asked me for a landmark to my place--he was on his way. My father gave him the address and the landmark. After another 15 minutes of waiting in vain, I called back this driver who'd called me and voila! It kept directing back to the cab service's help desk. Clever, Thomson Reuters, very clever. Cost me good money, even if it was in the Paise level. :/ Paise do make up a Rupee you know! Unfair! The driver finally came around at 06:30 in an Indica, he picked another employee near my area and off we were! Reached TR by 07:15.
I wore comfortable clothes, and my socks from 2012 and my cute new flats, not caring if anyone would look at my wearing socks for flats. Meh.
Had to flit to two different computers through the day as I still don't have a desktop allotted to me. Mr. S gave me this other person, Mr. C's login credentials and that is what I've been using. No more bothering Mr. S every time to log me into a computer. Woot!Was working on two American companies on the Pre-Production software...or was it one? Don't recall now ><
I was ravenous by lunch time and told myself that I should properly pig out and satisfy my tummy--bought two full pieces of Dilpasand (No idea how it cost Rs. 27. Okay, now I don't recall if it was actually Rs. 27...)--and regretted it after I chomped my way through one piece; the hot deliciousness and its sweet taste was a fatal combination to my teeth and I had to stop after a piece. But the main point is that my stomach was full after a piece; a good lesson learnt--never buy too much even if you are ravenously hungry: wait for it, finish your meal and go buy a little more food if you are hungry even then, but not before!
And I'd finished my curd rice way before in the morning!
I was only working on the American companies' filings and updates, didn't do anything but that. Don't really recall much except for a sock nearly slipping out of my toes once, to get inside the shoe. I was all work-work-work.
That was that...
Bought a tumbler of sugarcane juice after clocking out for the day (Rs. 14), the shopkeeper took Rs. 15 as he didn't have change :/ Respect money, dear shopkeeper, you might think we "hotshot people here" don't give a damn to money, but there are those of us who realize that its tough to beg and earn even a Rupee in the world outside.
Was at the cabs' place at 16:10. Got into my cab at once (so glad that my name was there!) Saw this woman walk past my cafe, giving off a real "hotshot" vibe. She hung around my car for a while before hopping in after noticing me inside. When I was going to sign the cab-register, she grabbed it from me, "You're a newbie right? You won't know how to do it, let me do it." For a minute, I was annoyed at that. But dissolved into a smile--she was right, I was actually wondering if another employee would do that for me like before as I still hadn't signed the register myself. Didn't know what to do..
This "hotshot" woman made kept my smile stretching effortlessly even after she got down! She broke into a ranting talk-talk-talk session about anything and everything--movies, fake people, where she had studied, what she is now studying, how she had landed in TR, how she could recognize my university from my "accent," about speaking Kannada, about her friend's new food place, its opening ceremony later in the day, about rain, about her love for cricket, oh and so much more! She was awesome-dawesome, no denying that, and totally down-to-earth! She even gave me a chocolate! Says she always carries them around as she likes it. :) I felt...honored to receive just that much from HER. XD
Oh I loved her instantly! Such a sweet and warm temperament! I asked her name after a very long time had passed >< Ms. P she is.
Listened to Ruru-sama's (RUKI <3 ) beautiful voice crooning to LAST HEAVEN. Couldn't help but WANT to read the lyrics and shed a tear or two while at it. Such an artist, Ruki is! And such heavy, heavy rains today! Wonder what will happen to the RCB match, hope it doesn't get cancelled~









Day 07: 04-14-2015

Today, I'd had only about 4 hours of sleep or less as I slept at around 01:30. Yes, that was a thoughtless thing to do eh, when I have my pickup scheduled for 05:30~06:00. Because I needed more decent sleep time, I grudgingly woke up at 05:15--when I was to have gotten ready by then. Never have I rushed so fast to get neat and tidy and get ready in the morning! I'm surprised now when I think of it just about 13 hours after that as to how I even managed that. And I didn't even miss a good bath! Score! Munched on Chocos as always. I knew that the cab would be later than 05:30 and hence I fell asleep on the couch after getting ready. Nice cabbie though; he rang me up sharp at 06:00. He was outside waiting for me. I was the only one getting picked up today; we stopped at another employee's place but that person was taking a day-off without notifying the cab service. 

Arrived at RMZ at 06:45, went to sit out and enjoy the breeze before clocking in at 07:00. I turned and what a joy, my trainer was just coming out for a break with a few other colleagues. He asked me if I got my cab. I said yes and went back in, logged in on the desktop next to his and loaded up an American company's filings from yesterday's Excel sheet. I was into it for 30 minutes when my trainer asked if I'd like to take a break; the call to Beijing was scheduled at 08:00 and he was sure that it might extend over two hours. I like how friendly and warm my trainer always is :)
Headed out to the pantry to munch on my idlis, forced in 4 of those and I felt like throwing up when I was to go for a fifth one. Unsurprising though. I have never liked a heavy breakfast, and having such a 'heavy' (yes, heavy!) intake made me want to through up tearfully. Prepped myself and went back to my desk at 07:45. Fiddled around a bit more with the American company and at a minute to 08:00, my trainer asked me stop and started setting up the phone call procedures. At a minute to 08:00! >.< And that action was "well" rewarded; the procedure would take 10 more minutes for the call to get through. He said that it was his first time setting up such a call from a desktop. But hey, there were simple instructions on the screen for the username and password, and directions to place a temporary call to not download the full software--he just didn't see them though he was staring right at the screen. I had to point it out. But again, my trainer acknowledges when he's at fault, even a small one. He is a wonderful boss and a great colleague to work with--I'm saying this though its not been two weeks of my interning here at TR.

The call to Beijing lasted ~2 hours and 30 minutes by the end of which my hand was SORE and painful. Must. Train. To. Write with my left hand. 
I'm glad that I understood 97% of the call (all in Japanese, yay!!) though I had to ask Ms. Y Zhang to keep repeating some sentences either because the clarity was bad on her side or because I couldn't grasp the concept of what she was saying. The MOW for the Japanese Market sure is a little confusing, is not something that can be "理解できる”-fied in a day. But very interesting. I'm in, baby!
LOL my trainer though! When it was a little past ten, he wrote me a message on a piece of paper: "Would you like to take a break? " That was very sweet and nice of him. I smiled, declining him, mouthing that I'd take one when I'm done with the call. And the man! I turn to the desktop the next freaking second and he's pinged Ms. Y Zhang if SHE would like to take a break. I turned to him with a broad smile, mouthing "WHAA-?!" He grinned sheepishly ^^ But it looks like Ms. Y Zhang never noticed that, at least not during the call. XD

Once the call cut, this was what the man laughingly asked, "How is it? Hand pains off?" Nice, that's what you care and ask when your intern finishes her first daunting international call. Oh I swear I'd like to work for TR if he'd be my boss! I promptly went out to munch on my other idlis and got back in. What did I then do? 
My dearest dictionary app gave me THIS when I NEEDED to know what Ms. Y Zhang was repeating a lot. When it turned out to be a sort of Director. :/ 
Compile, compile. I'd taken in a lot of rough notes during the call and I had to compile them all into one place and that's exactly what I did for the next two hours. Asked my trainer to send A simple Japanese company to refer to as an example and he sent me ten! Courtesy Ms. Y Zhang. Yay, not. There was some employee going around the office with a rather big, transport open box FULL of the traditional yellow laddoo (was too hungry to take a picture, wolfed it down), distributing it to everyone and wishing them a bright "Happy New Year" (today's the Tamizh New Year). Sweet of her, much thankful. Although my teeth were definitely not thankful. Orz D:

When I sat down to working on the first Japanese company on the list, I realized that its a lot more complicated that what I had thought it to be and thus set about studying the workings of the data compilation and translation so intently that I was doing it till 15:50! Sent three long e-mails to Ms. Y Zhang detailing my queries complete with screenshots like she'd asked for. I hope she doesn't get alarmed when she sees them. :D In between, I had a cup of coffee (small cup: Rs. 07) and the laddoo lady gave me another one! RIP, teeth.

Was VERY hungry by 15:50, so once Ms. D was away, I rushed out, went to the pantry at Block A's Thomson Reuters office to buy a veg. sandwich (Rs. 27). My head was throbbing way too painfully and my stomach was just the same. Hunger, hunger, the same chant. The man prepared it so~ slowly and gave it to me at 16:10 after I'd constantly kept asking him if it was ready.
When I went down to the cab area, I noticed that my name was not at all there on the pin-up board! Asked an employee at the service desk right away. Idiots, really. My trainer had cleared it out yesterday AND last week with approval from two employees of the service desk that my travel for this week should be secured. But noo, they just HAVE to mess it up. :/ This man kept repeating that we'd have to send the e-mail request 2 hours before and 24, and I kept repeating my story. Texted my trainer again (I'm so sorry to keep bothering him about cabs every other day) and he spoke to this other person and at freaking 16:50 when ALL the cabs had left, one newbie just then parked his cab when he was called out to us. 
Ms. P who I met yesterday was also left stranded with me--I'm glad I had her company. We both got special slips printed out to our area. I had finished half of my sandwich while waiting and finished the other half after getting into the cab. What a freaking surprise for me to have fallen asleep like that today with mouth agape (I must have been thaat tired eh) right after finishing my food! And I'd slept like that for nearly an hour. Too bad both me and Ms. P were tired out to talk today. 
I would have slept more if my driver this evening knew the directions;  he was a newbie and I had to direct him towards my residence. I wonder if he made it back alright to RMZ >.< Got home at 18:45. Not bad.
Oh, and I got back my puffed up bottle (that's supposed to be thrown away by now) from Mrs. B's desk and I've shifted to 3 different desktops today :/ But today, I've been allotted a desktop right in front of Ms. P Deb. Eek!









Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Rose and Jack-Jack

Now now, what's going on?

Why is he so smiley and close all of a sudden?

And what's with calling me Rose? What's with his friend calling him as Jack?

What's with the sudden shoulder massage today? Not complaining, that part was good. Did you shy away when I said I liked it?

..just what is going on? O.o  

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

In question to how she'd been.

Good, a little bad because I was VERY nostalgic on Christmas (as its the ex's birthday)
It did not help when I texted one of his lady friends that day to wish for Christmas as she's a Christian (unknowning to herself,, this girl was one of the reasons that made me want the breakup) and her Whatsapp profile picture just HAD to be a selfie taken with him
I got way too nostalgic (like I already said before) and my thoughts last weekend were only about my ex, about reminiscing moments of the past and re-imagining what I would like with him in the future and well, everything last weekend revolved around my ex.
But this week, I'm all focused and working towards my uni. research and short paper-writing research (very slow progress there..) and my Java class' assignments
But seriously speaking, I look forward to fall in love all over again. Wanted to tell you this yesterday but I fell asleep..To put it in a simple way, it is a very beautiful thing / feeling to be loved and to also be in love with that same person.
When I love, I love with everything I've got and I saw that in my previous relationship (not boasting here). But when I chose in my mind to move towards a breakup, it has the most toughest choice, period. But I had to do it anyway. Even now when I think of him, I still don't regret asking him to breakup with me because I know he'll never change, he'll never want to step down and talk, apologize or compromise. And although he's the perfect prince and we've got the most perfect relationship ever, what's the point if he wouldn't get off his high horse eh? Okay, really ROFL--> after having written all this, I suddenly remembered now that I forgot the very point I wanted to make unsure emoticon