ガゼットのこと私の心にいる言葉、感じと愛。かかって来い！
The words, feelings and
the love I have for The GazettE. Come at me!
Given my
nature for profound laziness, whenever I get to secretly immerse myself in
such…things which I adore, respect, love and love to re-live, I can’t help but
give in to that desire which makes me want to stop and indulge in whatever it
is, though that might always not point towards the right direction, I get to
feel awed. I told people that I fell in love with Japan all over again when I
came back from that most wonderful country. But then again, that feeling is
never lost within me—I get to fall in love with The GazettE over and over again
with the mere watching of that one Final Live DVD.
Why I love
The GazettE so much? Feh, you’re welcome to search for that answer along with
me. Let’s make it a quest to hunt out for a proper answer for that question,
shall we? It’s not because of the fact—yes, fact—that they’re all unbelievably
gorgeous thirty plus year old men, who look as if they had been once dunked in
the fountain of eternal glory and youth, or because they are more stunning than
all those pencil thin ‘beautiful’ models and actors and other celebrities that
the media and other forms of publicity always seem to parade around, or because
I’m simply amazed at how a normal looking man can be so…so ‘OMG!’ {and when I
say OMG, its always “Oh My GazettE” and NOT “Oh My God” as in ways more than
one, The GazettE IS my god} or because they have so many, many fans all around
this blue marble of a planet and I’m also itching to be just one among them, it’s
not for the fashion. Or the glamour they have to present. My love is for none
of all these bling bling factors. Though I never had to have added the fashion
and glamour because it’s more of a natural asset to them.
It’s about
that tingly feeling in you when you hear they’re going to release a new piece
of music—I won’t say a ‘single’ or an ‘album’ because considering all that
they’ve done so far, it never really makes sense to me to label their works
like that; they are in the process of creating so much music, beside the scores
of music already created, its endless…these guys put in so much into what they
do that they seem to be working nonstop. So each new ‘single’ and ‘album’ for
me is just a new piece of whatever feeling they have in their hearts at
present.
I drew ire,
criticism, ridicule and much more from a co-participant of a two
week scholarship to Japan just because I loved The GazettE. Come on, people! It
only counts when you have a serious reason to bully. After getting just a
slight wind of how much my love for The GazettE is, this person goes so far as
to create a fake ticket/”VIP backstage passes” of The GazettE, claiming that
they’re to come to perform in Palace Grounds, Bangalore, Karnataka, INDIA in
December (2011). This he did during our scholarship’s final local orientation
as he wouldn’t get another, more glorious chance to play such a cheap trick at
me. I got this really nagging doubt as to why The GazettE should go abroad
elsewhere ignoring all those main league countries where their fan base is more
predominant, while their TOXIC LIVE TOUR was going on. Still, blinded by the
momentary illusion’s rush, thanks to his lie that he made sound so damn legit,
I couldn’t help but scream out like a maniac every two minutes for the next
week or so almost everywhere I’d think about it, not minding where I was.
Imagine
being told and convinced out of the blue that the gods who you worship almost every
second are going to come over to your city to perform and you’ve got VIP Backstage
Passes? Who wouldn’t freak out? Who wouldn’t fall to such a shameless fraud
when you’re so blinded with all the love you have for them? Who wouldn’t do
what I did?
Having
gotten permission from my damn strict orthodox family to attend their ‘Live-in
December’ concert was something I couldn’t believe; I guess I must probably
have gotten out of my way some time or the other about The GazettE that made my
parents understand at least a little of it. Texting every contact on my phone
to goad about how The GazettE was finally going to show up here so much that my
phone’s credit talk balance would expire just as soon as I recharge it with
more money. I don’t think I have ever
been more active than then in my life of sixteen years till now, not even when
I heard that I had got selected to go to Japan for two weeks.
Again, I
insist that in the midst of all this blinded celebration, there was always this
rather huge question mark stuck right there in my head as to why I believed and
going along so stupidly with this scandalous news. I now accept that I had been
a fool back then, I couldn’t help but fall into the deviously schemed plan by
that person. Stupid, trusting, naïve lamb that I was to always ignore that
question mark and just go ahead and rush with gushing over it!
Then after
the said ‘day when The GazettE were to perform’ had passed, this person has so
much guts as to text me saying that it was all just a plain trick he played on
me just to enjoy watching me make a fool of myself. Though I did retort quickly
with a smart message that I’d known about his dirty intention all the time, and
that I was going along with it just to fool him in the end, the regret has
never left me. Fifty years from now and I will still be looking back at this
incident with pure shame, loath and disgust. And from that day, I have ceased
almost all contacts with that smart ass son of a bitch. I am a person who never
succumbs to any sort of profanity and this is gone so out of my hands that I
can’t swear at it all the time.
But in a
way, I am sort of thankful—though I shouldn’t be in any way—to that person as I
would never have realized the deep love, admiration, affection and all the
other positive, overwhelming vibes of feeling I have for The GazettE if that
person had never scorned me so much. But I am thankful for just that AND
NOTHING ELSE. He should be counting his blessings that it has never occurred me
to personally confront him about this and leave a huge shameful dent upon his
personality; good lord, who knows what I might do to that person when I act on
a whim all of a sudden! Now I really do understand what Shakespeare said when
he said ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’. Because oh no, I’m not
scorned! I am feeling something much more deeper than that, can’t really put a
finger on what exactly it is.
I wonder if
that person understands even just a little of how I feel, of all that I am now
ranting. But something tells me the answer is just plain negative. That person
should understand how it feels like when you are cheated out of those fantasies
you dream about something you set your heart and soul into loving. The feeling
is intense and is something you only get to know when you experience it in the
worst state possible, I believe. I have been bullied, harassed and cornered in
the last two years of high school even by people who were the most closest to
me all because I loved Japan, and everything the culture. Never once did I care
for that. I continued pursuing it with all my passion and I guess I’m now
slowly reaping the fruits of that. It is disappointing when people bully you,
play really childish and worthless tricks all because of a mere, fucking
unbelievable invalid reason. Shame on those people. I guess their rejoicing in
it only raises the bar for their stupidity and I don’t think I could possibly
do anything about it but go about my own track and crack their foolish ideas by
flaunting my success and my cool attitude in front of them. Maybe that would be
more
effective than a direct slap to the face?
Now that
I’ve written this, I feel more calm and relaxed. It always helps me a lot when
I open the lid of the laptop the moment I’m frustrated, vent it all out on the
keys and then sighing so huge when I notice the heavy feeling being lifted from
my chest. Yup, I’m done with this now. But one question remains in me: should I
email a copy of this to that person and directly declare my disgust for what
he’s done, no matter how good a friend he’d been to me before?
Help,
please.
