Enough.

They were on the cliff, at the very edge
The break-up phase largely looming.
She cared, and for it, he did not budge.
She took the plunge, willing.

When jerks make you look like one.

Set boundaries, and deadlines for your limits. When you give in, bow down and still are being hurled curses at, or mistreated even when you apologize, I think that is the right time to hit hard when the iron is hot; say no and ask those who treat you so to shut up and get out. You might be pained throughout--even when being treated very badly when you're apologetic, and you're not prolonging the hideous event, and you'd also be pained when you have to tell them to shut it. But its good for you, its good that you know where to set the line from being hurt over again. Its good indeed, when you have the courage to firmly say no though you're shaking, shivering and are a pathetic mess on the inside.

But what's bad and upsetting is that other person who doesn't see what you're going through, what you're giving up to make them happy, who doesn't see the line you draw to want to end the conflict, but only sees their own goal of creating bigger problems, to want to hurt you over and over though you've bowed down to them in respectful defeat.

Furthermore, when this person is involved in a life-bonding relationship with you, what are you left with anymore after saying no? It is one good thing that you mustered courage to stand up for yourself, but it is not one bit nice when that person doesn't want to bow down like you did, and only heaps further insults and heartbreaking comments on you, thus making you feel terrible.

It leaves you feeling empty, hollow, and utterly stranded though you have a hazy crowd living around you, and though your worldly tasks keep you fairly 'busy' while you're in constant pain over what happened with that person.

And no, writing down 'pain' wouldn't be felt unless you empathize. When you promise that you wouldn't break off things with that person though its been you who's faced with more negativity in the relationship with them, and when they voluntarily egg you on to break it off with them--mainly stating that doing that is an easy walk in the park, that's where you grow up; that's where you say that you can't go on being hurt like this when the larger part of the fault never was yours in the first place. Hope jerks don't go about reading this.

April writes this while in plain, naked sorrow, and sadness--and also in pure disgust at the conduct she had been subjected to. She puts down her feet at such treatment. 

Dreamy Fireflies

Ever wondered in utter fascination at the Harry Potter movies? (Yes, we all have,) but April is talking of how Professor Dumbledore extracts particularly important memories from his head with his wand and stores it in that liquid-y basin so he can save them forever there, and retrieve them when that particular thought is needed for the future.

Recall that? Well good, save it for reference now. April will get to that in a little.

While prepping up for university this morning, April Twelving was wondering how truly amazing and great it would be if something similar to that of what Professor Dumbledore does exists in the real world, but for dreams and not memories. April has a rather wondrous talent of forgetting things way too much. When dreams so good appear once in a while, when she would want to relive them one time too many, she would catch herself feeling the empty air breezing past her on realizing that she has forgotten that beautiful figment of imagination.

Though dreams are just what the heart or mind would have sub-consciously obsessed about, a dream whether good or bad is worth cherishing--and storing.

If only April Twelving could wake in the morning fresh from a dream or two, without matter of whether she recalls the dreams (or even recalls that she dreamt at all for that matter), and if a little brilliant firefly or two shoots out from the side of her forehead (without causing pain, unlike what Dumbledore's painful expression relays) (well, of course the side of the forehead is what April would want as she's only seen the memories extracted from there...like you, too), materialize themselves into little yellow pill-like (tablet-like. Not the iPad-ones, but the medicinal pills) which would be easy for storing them.

April could then re-live the dreams to no end, lest she lives only within the dreams--which is quite dangerous.

『皆さん、よろしくお願いいたします！』

子供の頃にはアニメを見て、日本に興味を持ちました。それから何年後、ただ日本語の美しさと日本の文化の事気に入りました。こういう風にいた私は『日本語勉強するお前はブスだ』と何度もいじめられたんです。家族、友人、同級生、先生たち、途中に会う方皆さんもそう言われました。母親だけは私が瀬を押したんです。母親に感謝です。

日本語が本当に大好きでしたので、いじめられる人の話はあまり聞きませんでした。そんな話はもちろん心に怪我させましたが、私は気にせず、『日本語をもっと勉強して上手になりたい』と言う夢を目指していた。今もそうです。

日本語を自分で勉強していたけど、クラスにいい先生から教えてもらいたらいいなと思っていた。日本語クラスの代金は高かったので両親はダメと言われました。実を言うと、日本語を習うことで何の便利なこともありませんと信じて、私の日本語能力に全然信じられなかった。

２０１１年１２月に二週間の間日本に留学するチャンスができた後、両親は私と『日本語』にちょっと信じるのが始めました。そして、バンガル一ルの日本語学校に『日本語能力試験』の『四級』と『三級』クラスに入学して、試験も合格しました。ここまで来たのは私が自分自身を持って努力したお陰でです。そして、私に信じてくれた両親のお陰です。その日本語学校の先生もすばらしい方だったし、学生達をいつも支えてくれました。ラタ先生に感謝です。

今残ってるのは『二級』と『一級』レベル試験です。今年の１２月に『二級』試験を受けたいんです。

今日からバンガル一ル大学に『アドバンス日本語ヂプロマ』コ一スを始めました。教授は有賀かおり先生です。とても優しい人に見えます。話し方も優しいです。来週の土曜日から授業は始まる予定です。有賀先生はたくさんの宿題を出さないといいな。。。（笑）

同級生は皆私の目上の方です（年を見れば）。皆さんは日本語に上手見たい。私頑張らなきゃ！

Christ大学でコンピュ一タアプリケ一ションを専門してながら、Bangalore大学でこのヂプロマをします。勉強にいいバランスを作って欲しいです。

そろそろ勉強時間！Christ大学で明日から一週間まで試験です。
とりあえず止めましょう。（＾０＾）

Darling, why?

You don't have to pull a Chad Kroeger (April didn't know him less than five minutes ago) to gift her a sparkling seventeen carat diamond ring for your anniversary together, you don't have to make promises obscured with falsity in honeyed tones to make her smile, you have to do no Herculean task to make her happy when you know she desires for none of those.

Would it be too much of you to say those two, non-committal (of ANY sort) words to her to her on her special day? Would it be wrong to make her feel happy with almost nothing as such?

When something of mere utterance from you matters the world to her, why deny her that with a bag of excuses in tow? Darling, why?

Falsity is mentioned not for the word play; learn to put a stop to the action of giving her peaking hopes, and later having her crash face-first when you would rather have wanted things another way--hurt her not with your half-hearted, flimsy choices.

If rather silly excuses follow every thing you do to hurt her, where would a slight sense of any sort of devoted commitment exist?

Why won't you let her be free if you resent her that much, darling, why?

Ignorance is bliss, not on your birthday.

Melancholic poetry and sad tears that dry a little later are what awaits you when a beloved just about forgets to wish you on your birthday, ever so conveniently. 

Disappointment goes over the peak when you're still sitting brooding in front of your laptop screen, just wanting to while away time when many things productive await your hand. Drown yourself in light despair after all that your heart has lamented. 

Them droopy eyes of yours need a break from all of today's 'fun'. Rest, sweetheart, you must be brave as you think you are, as you want yourself to be. 

Rant, rant. Aren't we all that silly to occasionally form some...coherent gibber?

Teenage Motherhood (?)

Of the many things happening in April's life, there are those which are pivotal, that drive her passion to the brink everyday. It would be right to say that the primal one among those would be April's two adopted rabbits, co-parented (co-owned, if you will) by her boyfriend.