Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Review.

" You know, I was so disappointed to see that this manga only had a few fanfics. This is the first that I read and I'm not disappointed. Thanks! "

-- was a review posted to one of April's fanfiction stories. 

After a long day, when these sort of words await to be read by you, and further, when they are directed unto you, it truly would make you feel extremely happy, inspired and more ambitious.

April is happy, and thankful to this reader/reviewer for giving her a fresh bout of encouraging happiness. :)

Thursday, November 6, 2014

When the key was forgotten.

April Twelving is a forgetful prat, and today was no different.

Thanks to her mother's call when she was nearing home, she realized that she forgot the apartment key inside the apartment.April's parents who had the other key were scheduled to arrive home much later from their workplace, and they'd suggested her to spend an hour or so till their arrival at a trusted neighbor's place. Though April did deliberate that, she chose against it as she wanted to be at peace for a while, and not go through the hustle and bustle of the neighbor's household what with their kids around.

April had always been fascinated and intrigued by the idea of actually writing, composing beautiful fiction at a cafe just like many authors and writers are deemed to do. Being a self-made author, it was one thing that she had always longed to do. To sit at a cafe for a good deal of time, to sip one cup of coffee and type away as if that one order would suffice for the whole of her stay, while writing good stuff along the way, of course.

Today, she wanted to try it out and ultimately achieved one of her little dreams. She alighted at the Up Cycle Cafe near home--it was the one cafe that she'd been to before and liked, and the plus charm was the cafe is about 15 minutes away from her apartment.

April had been meaning to sit at the swing (which is a substitute for a chair) for a while now, and settled for the same. She started out with her laptop right away after putting away her things. Once the computer got to life, she actively started hacking at the keyboard to type out whatever flowed into her head for her upcoming chapter for Dreams in Letters. Sure she took care to form the story properly!

April was hungry and desperate for food when she initially chose to visit the cafe and not go to the neighbor's place. Meaning she was quite puzzled and annoyed when the waiter didn't approach her with the menu after fifteen minutes. Food over pride or whatever, she marched over to the counter and flashed a bright grin at the waiter who smiled sheepishly realizing that she had not been handed the menu yet. April quickly chose what could be the most filling dish on the menu, The Fresh Basil Pasta in Tomato Sauce - Penne / Spaghetti as seemed to the first thing she saw on the 'will-fill-my-tummy-for-good' section, and also because it was one of out the others in the Pasta section where she could understand what was printed. The 'French Food' lingo and April together, nuh-uh.


The waited was specifically told to bring the pasta first and THEN the "Filter Coffee (South Indian Filter Coffee)" as the menu said, later when April would tell him to. But nope, he just had to bring it in the middle of the pasta and somehow kill the mood >.<

The pasta was great and didn't make her teeth scream (well, pain,..) in pain (she had two teeth filled yesterday). April was too hungry to care about the hotness of the dish and the pain the hotness would bring to her teeth and simply dug into the tomato sauce with her over-sized spoon. That was blissful, April was reminded of the sort of tomato 'gojju' her mother makes at home. A little while later, after blowing each Penne (yes, April got the Penne and not the Spaghetti even without being asked -.-), she gobbled each little-long lump of happiness (IT IS FOOD. AND FOOD IS HAPPINESS.). The Penne was not boiled well at the corners for the most part though...

But the overall review of the pasta would be gut. Here's a picture, though April was too hungry to take a good picture:


Yikes, apologies! This is a rather blurry picture that portrays the beautiful pasta as something grotesque, that simply is heaped on the plate >.<

The coffee, of course was sipped during the latter part of the pasta and also after. Just like what the menu said, the coffee what April's mother whips up ("South Indian Filter Coffee," remember?) would taste the same as what she had. 30INR is a real rip-off for that. The pasta on the other hand might be worth for the 150INR spent on it. Then again, the last few mouthfuls of the Penne went ignored as they left an ugly, distasteful trail...is that usually the case with pasta? Does one have that tinge at the near end when they're stuffed with so much pasta already? Anyhoo, moving on.

Here's the coffee, too:


There! Now that's a much better, acceptable picture, yeah?


It was about 19:15 when her mother called, and she had to leave the cafe after paying up at the front register voluntarily. Nah, no 'I'm ready for the check, please' happened. She got a bus, walked over home, stopped by to pick up some 'prasadam' for her mother and was home by 19:35.

April simply HAD to write this down as an entry. In between all this, there were six new paragraphs typed out for her upcoming chapter, with editing everything else. Not bad eh, not bad at all. :D

Friday, October 24, 2014

A loaf's level of difficulty?

you get used to difficulties when that's what's winning you your bread

---

Yup, April just...wrote that. In a chat window.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Appointments, dates, time-time.

Keeping up your word with appointments is sometimes so tough. Growing up into an adult means you meet more people along the way, which simply means that you've got to keep yourself open to meeting more obligations and respect time much more than ever.

We try to do our best, which is good. Sometimes when things look bleak and you aren't able to keep up a commitment, an appointment or such, all its going to take is for you to open up to that person, and talk it out. Talking solves things. Once you're open minded, that is.

End of rant. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Confession: April Twelving is hare-brained.

The next exam is two days away and before even having started with her studies for the same, April suddenly struck upon a thought as to where her hall ticket was. She recalled having kept it in the same bag that she took to the first exam. Having NOT noticed it in the bag with a brief glance, she went into full panic mode. 

Which means, forwarding the same text that goes something along the lines of 'I lost my hall ticket. Is it okay if I take the spare hall ticket that I printed out from the next exam onwards?' to about three people on her phone contacts--two being classmates and a senior. 

The senior gave an assuring reply that it was okay. A classmate on the other hand said he wasn't sure and asked her to re-check that, and also tell him what the teacher replies with. Oh yeah! Despite the senior assuring her it was okay, April just HAD to continue her panic-march and shoot out emails to her class teacher and the support center of her university.

Only to find that her hall ticket lay very safe at the bottom of her bag, right alongside the previous exam's question paper--something April always does; she keeps the hall ticket together with the previous exam's question paper. 

-.- Soo not cool.

She quickly forwarded (she goes panicky and texts many people. Its only fair to forward the same text. The panicky unsmart are sometimes 'smart' like that. Yup, I'm wayy too awesome. I know) the text like this:  'I'm hare-brained. I'm sorry. I found it, it was safe. ><'

Yay. Not!

 

Monday, September 29, 2014

Skip a beat, for the Skip Beat lover.

Her heart quickens and skips a few beats altogether when she sees a new e-mail pop up, when his name is marked in thick, bold black letters, indicating that the new, unread message is from him.

The messages he has been sending of late have been hateful, dripped in antagonistic splashes of angry words, reflecting sorrow though he pretends it is not.

It hurts her too much.

But oh no, it is alright!

For any message from him, whether hateful or not, excites a new spark in her, makes her do a little mental jig of happiness for you see, each message from him means that he is well in health, that his heart beats just fine, that he is living.

Her love lives, and that alone is enough for her.

---

There will be no more of such heart beats quickening at his texts, for he will not text her anymore.

She, too, promised that she would not pen down anything to reach across to him.

She will have to learn to be contented with her heart beating fast when she merely recollects thoughts of him, of them.

She will have to learn it the hard way, and face life face on.

I, April Twelving, wish her good luck for she will need both luck, and her own severe perseverance from now on.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Japanese customs rubbing in is beautiful.

Ever since April started to learn Japanese, it was obvious that she was exposed to the culture, the customs and traditions of the Japanese (haha, funny how 'customs and traditions' are always wrapped together ever so unconsciously =^0^=) as its mandatory to fully or at least partially understand the taste and flavor of the country of origin of the language one is learning. Okay, that was too many ofs.

The Japanese in particular have almost everything 'synced' to their language--the seasons, feelings, the social strata ranking, everyday actions, and just about everything. Of course, its the same as any other language in the world, but with Japanese, its just a lot more than what meets the eye. Trust April there.

Its almost poetic, even. Okay, April is not sure but the line before this? She is very sure that she recalled that off of a novel. Mostly the Twilight series, she thinks. She's unsure, but she's sure enough that she recalled it off of a novel she has read before.

Many things that we do in everyday life might actually be frowned upon in the Japanese culture; paying someone cash/money just as it is--straight neat bills in the open air, walking with shoes on inside the house, not greeting each other at the appropriate times and places, eating styles, and even body hair. Yeah, that's right. April has heard that its eerily common for Japanese women to shave the hair on their hands. She says eerie because that's almost the exact word she had heard on a YouTube video. Okay, now April is deviating from what she wanted to say.

Anyhoo, April Twelving has gotten used to many of the things that are done the Japanese way. After having been exposed to it for quite a while now, she's always wanted to implement some, if not all, of those customs. Little did she know that her first try at one custom would actually make her feel dignified, distinguished, poised and all those 'graceful' words one would aim to hit upon a 'lady'. Right, that wasn't the intention. But what April meant to say was that it made her feel really good.

---

April has been frequenting a particular beauty salon since recently and the proprietor just happens to be her neighbor. The last week (probably, April has poor memory), April ran short of a small albeit good sum of money while paying at the salon. She'd requested the proprietor to let her pay it later, and completely forgot to pay her back as soon as she had promised.

Not that she meant to; she had told her father so many times as he gets to see and talk to that person almost every other day. But when it became clear enough that she could not rely on him anymore, given that he didn't step up to her request (not exactly one..), she decided to act.

While heading home after paying the internet bill, she bought a couple of brown normal sized (no, April doesn't exactly know what a normal sized envelope would be sized like. That was weird.) envelopes. She broke into a brisk walk to come home, got a pen the first thing while at the door, and even without shoes taken off, she ran to the nearest wall to pen the proprietor's name and hers in the front and back, added a 'Thank You,' and a 'Sorry I'm paying so late,' message in the front. Ran up, rang the doorbell, handed it to the proprietor's parents who were home after saying that she owed some money as payment.

After doing that, April marched with a proud heart, and a better, dignified sense of what is right. That honestly felt good that just handing over or shoving a bunch of crumpled bills under someone's nose.

日本のことかんぱいって感じが出ました。Yes, that had to be typed in Japanese.

---

On a side note, April just realized this evening that for the past few months, she has been the one paying the house's internet bill. She's been paying it out of her pocket, with the money earned from Listly. April feels proud of herself, and wants to accomplish more good things and viewpoints in life.

Off to studying Oracle now, for tomorrow's practical exam!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Damon is The dude April now pines for.

April's always had a thing for bad boys onscreen. Anime mostly.
Sesshoumaru was the hot favorite for a long time, along with slight preferences for Kouga.

I really want to know which episode this picture is from! 

And then there were so many others like Ranma. Well, he wasn't evil, but was a bad boy type nonetheless. Inu Yasha was one, too, but he was a tame pup. A hot, tame pup. A caring, hot, tame pup. April must stop with this. Yes, must. 


-------------------------

BUT BUT BUT! 

DAMON SALVATORE HAS NOW STOLEN APRIL'S HEART AND IS GOOD TO GO FOR AS LONG AS SHE FINISHES WATCHING ALL OF VAMPIRE DIARIES. 

There, confession done. 

So what if he is the antagonist in the first season? (Yeah, I read some Wiki spoilers, issokay. No biggie.) He is all that April ever dreamed of since before. Including the looks. That black hair aww! 

Nikki Reed sure is awesome for having Ian Somerhalder to herself now! 

WHAT a beeatch. <3

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Move On, Modern Family.

Saw a random episode from the fourth season of Vampire Diaries.
Damon Salvatore, ooh la la la.

Nothing more to explain.
First season downloading. Right now.


Adam Lambert made me laugh. In a good way.

While April was mulling (too much) over a broken relationship, heaps of studies and actual work pending and sat down with some properly premeditated notions to get to work, she found herself humming a tune long-forgotten, but which popped out just like that.

After catching the wind of the tune to be Adam Lambert's, she played the song on Youtube and sung along. Um no, shrieked along might be plausible.

This is the song!

The very first time April had seen Adam on television with his beautiful, thick, oh so glamorous make up and all that dashing charm, she had a special eye on him. Along with the feeling that he was a colorful person.





This feeling that April had begotten when having seen Adam for the first time proved to be true; now that April is much older than then, and having known that being colorful is a term used to address gay people, April googled if Adam Lambert was gay.


To her surprise (not really), Adam Lambert was gay, yes.


But the real surprise April had was this link:

This baby, right here :D

In that little moment, April's worries truly dissolved from her while she let out a carefree laugh. Yes, a laugh after days and nights of crying and anguish.





Death, you are not despised.

April welcomes death.

Monday, September 22, 2014

長い髪大嫌い。

最近とても忙しくて、色んなことの締め切りも守らなくて最悪な雰囲気です。
人がやってる仕事は人の実際を写れると言うのはやっぱりいいなと思う時、こんな長い髪を持ってる女は全然私見たいじゃねぇと思う。

この長い髪の重量はもう嫌だ。髪切ってもっと短いにしたい。
してる仕事に邪魔させないくらい長さが欲しいんだ。

男みたいな髪型何かないけど、もうちょっと短くして欲しい。
自由にいたいんだ。
ほら、この漫画キャラと同じはいいかもね。


Sunday, September 21, 2014

恋愛相手?

今日から、恋愛相手は多分、このブログにしようかな。
書くのがもちろん好きだけどね。。。



もういい。

最近、運が悪いです。


仕事に集中できなかった。
カメラを無くしてしまいました。
彼氏は私達のこと気にしていません。
私は彼氏と別れた。
買った新しいタブレットには何のアプリも入られない。
そのタブレットを直す方法は知らない。
それに助ける方のことなら全然知らない。
彼氏と話かけてみろと思ったが、彼はいつものふうに私達のこと気にいらん:そう見たい。
話してるテ一マのこと気にせず、別のこと話していた。
痛いよ。
痛い。
悲しみです。
寂しくなりました。
彼氏は話してる時、好きって二回言ってたけど、私を見ないで外の込んでる道を見てそう言った。
こんなのは愛かよ。
帰る時、母親が私の大事な本をおばさんの家に忘れてたって電話があった。
試験のために大切だったその本もういつ私に届けるか分からん。
試験は二日後。
大嫌いな父親は家にいた。
いつもの通り、私とまた喧嘩しました。
いっぱいの喧嘩。
私の状況を分からない父親と彼氏は両面にいます。
『彼氏』とまたチャット話かけるなんて痛いです。
酒を飲んだって嘘をついた。
彼はやっぱり気にしてない。
これからどうしようか分からん。

彼のことまだ大好きです。


いつもいつも愛してます。

















でも、もういい。
私はこんなに怪我されています。

私は彼と別れるのが大嫌い。

ーーー

もういい。

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Enough.

They were on the cliff, at the very edge
The break-up phase largely looming.
She cared, and for it, he did not budge.
She took the plunge, willing.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

When jerks make you look like one.

Set boundaries, and deadlines for your limits. When you give in, bow down and still are being hurled curses at, or mistreated even when you apologize, I think that is the right time to hit hard when the iron is hot; say no and ask those who treat you so to shut up and get out. You might be pained throughout--even when being treated very badly when you're apologetic, and you're not prolonging the hideous event, and you'd also be pained when you have to tell them to shut it. But its good for you, its good that you know where to set the line from being hurt over again. Its good indeed, when you have the courage to firmly say no though you're shaking, shivering and are a pathetic mess on the inside.

But what's bad and upsetting is that other person who doesn't see what you're going through, what you're giving up to make them happy, who doesn't see the line you draw to want to end the conflict, but only sees their own goal of creating bigger problems, to want to hurt you over and over though you've bowed down to them in respectful defeat.

Furthermore, when this person is involved in a life-bonding relationship with you, what are you left with anymore after saying no? It is one good thing that you mustered courage to stand up for yourself, but it is not one bit nice when that person doesn't want to bow down like you did, and only heaps further insults and heartbreaking comments on you, thus making you feel terrible.

It leaves you feeling empty, hollow, and utterly stranded though you have a hazy crowd living around you, and though your worldly tasks keep you fairly 'busy' while you're in constant pain over what happened with that person.

And no, writing down 'pain' wouldn't be felt unless you empathize. When you promise that you wouldn't break off things with that person though its been you who's faced with more negativity in the relationship with them, and when they voluntarily egg you on to break it off with them--mainly stating that doing that is an easy walk in the park, that's where you grow up; that's where you say that you can't go on being hurt like this when the larger part of the fault never was yours in the first place. Hope jerks don't go about reading this.

April writes this while in plain, naked sorrow, and sadness--and also in pure disgust at the conduct she had been subjected to. She puts down her feet at such treatment. 

Monday, August 11, 2014

Dreamy Fireflies

Ever wondered in utter fascination at the Harry Potter movies? (Yes, we all have,) but April is talking of how Professor Dumbledore extracts particularly important memories from his head with his wand and stores it in that liquid-y basin so he can save them forever there, and retrieve them when that particular thought is needed for the future.

Recall that? Well good, save it for reference now. April will get to that in a little.

While prepping up for university this morning, April Twelving was wondering how truly amazing and great it would be if something similar to that of what Professor Dumbledore does exists in the real world, but for dreams and not memories. April has a rather wondrous talent of forgetting things way too much. When dreams so good appear once in a while, when she would want to relive them one time too many, she would catch herself feeling the empty air breezing past her on realizing that she has forgotten that beautiful figment of imagination.

Though dreams are just what the heart or mind would have sub-consciously obsessed about, a dream whether good or bad is worth cherishing--and storing.

If only April Twelving could wake in the morning fresh from a dream or two, without matter of whether she recalls the dreams (or even recalls that she dreamt at all for that matter), and if a little brilliant firefly or two shoots out from the side of her forehead (without causing pain, unlike what Dumbledore's painful expression relays) (well, of course the side of the forehead is what April would want as she's only seen the memories extracted from there...like you, too), materialize themselves into little yellow pill-like (tablet-like. Not the iPad-ones, but the medicinal pills) which would be easy for storing them.

April could then re-live the dreams to no end, lest she lives only within the dreams--which is quite dangerous.




Sunday, August 3, 2014

『皆さん、よろしくお願いいたします!』

子供の頃にはアニメを見て、日本に興味を持ちました。それから何年後、ただ日本語の美しさと日本の文化の事気に入りました。こういう風にいた私は『日本語勉強するお前はブスだ』と何度もいじめられたんです。家族、友人、同級生、先生たち、途中に会う方皆さんもそう言われました。母親だけは私が瀬を押したんです。母親に感謝です。

日本語が本当に大好きでしたので、いじめられる人の話はあまり聞きませんでした。そんな話はもちろん心に怪我させましたが、私は気にせず、『日本語をもっと勉強して上手になりたい』と言う夢を目指していた。今もそうです。

日本語を自分で勉強していたけど、クラスにいい先生から教えてもらいたらいいなと思っていた。日本語クラスの代金は高かったので両親はダメと言われました。実を言うと、日本語を習うことで何の便利なこともありませんと信じて、私の日本語能力に全然信じられなかった。

2011年12月に二週間の間日本に留学するチャンスができた後、両親は私と『日本語』にちょっと信じるのが始めました。そして、バンガル一ルの日本語学校に『日本語能力試験』の『四級』と『三級』クラスに入学して、試験も合格しました。ここまで来たのは私が自分自身を持って努力したお陰でです。そして、私に信じてくれた両親のお陰です。その日本語学校の先生もすばらしい方だったし、学生達をいつも支えてくれました。ラタ先生に感謝です。

今残ってるのは『二級』と『一級』レベル試験です。今年の12月に『二級』試験を受けたいんです。

今日からバンガル一ル大学に『アドバンス日本語ヂプロマ』コ一スを始めました。教授は有賀かおり先生です。とても優しい人に見えます。話し方も優しいです。来週の土曜日から授業は始まる予定です。有賀先生はたくさんの宿題を出さないといいな。。。(笑)

同級生は皆私の目上の方です(年を見れば)。皆さんは日本語に上手見たい。私頑張らなきゃ!

Christ大学でコンピュ一タアプリケ一ションを専門してながら、Bangalore大学でこのヂプロマをします。勉強にいいバランスを作って欲しいです。

そろそろ勉強時間!Christ大学で明日から一週間まで試験です。
とりあえず止めましょう。(^0^)

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Darling, why?

You don't have to pull a Chad Kroeger (April didn't know him less than five minutes ago) to gift her a sparkling seventeen carat diamond ring for your anniversary together, you don't have to make promises obscured with falsity in honeyed tones to make her smile, you have to do no Herculean task to make her happy when you know she desires for none of those.

Would it be too much of you to say those two, non-committal (of ANY sort) words to her to her on her special day? Would it be wrong to make her feel happy with almost nothing as such?

When something of mere utterance from you matters the world to her, why deny her that with a bag of excuses in tow? Darling, why?

Falsity is mentioned not for the word play; learn to put a stop to the action of giving her peaking hopes, and later having her crash face-first when you would rather have wanted things another way--hurt her not with your half-hearted, flimsy choices.

If rather silly excuses follow every thing you do to hurt her, where would a slight sense of any sort of devoted commitment exist?

Why won't you let her be free if you resent her that much, darling, why?

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Ignorance is bliss, not on your birthday.

Melancholic poetry and sad tears that dry a little later are what awaits you when a beloved just about forgets to wish you on your birthday, ever so conveniently. 

Disappointment goes over the peak when you're still sitting brooding in front of your laptop screen, just wanting to while away time when many things productive await your hand. Drown yourself in light despair after all that your heart has lamented. 

Them droopy eyes of yours need a break from all of today's 'fun'. Rest, sweetheart, you must be brave as you think you are, as you want yourself to be. 

Rant, rant. Aren't we all that silly to occasionally form some...coherent gibber?

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Teenage Motherhood (?)

Of the many things happening in April's life, there are those which are pivotal, that drive her passion to the brink everyday. It would be right to say that the primal one among those would be April's two adopted rabbits, co-parented (co-owned, if you will) by her boyfriend.




Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Regional anime clubs in India

All this is thanks to the efforts of India Anime Club (check them on Facebook) for having compiled this list and putting it into a doc. As it was quite unable to use the Facebook link for this document onto Listly, I thought it more ideal to put it into this blog entry and link it up on Listly for everyone's convenience. 

Again, all credits to IAC: India Anime Club, NOT me!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Allahabad Anime Club

The Guild Of Bangali Otakus

Bangalore Anime Club

Bhilai/Raipur Anime Club

Bhubaneswar Anime Club

Anime Realm : Chennai

Coimbatore Anime Club

Delhi Anime Club

Guwahati Anime Club

Hyderabad Anime Club

Jaipur Anime Club

Kanyakumari Anime Club

Malayalee Anime Fans

Kota Anime Club

Kolkata Anime Club

Lucknow Anime Club

Mumbai Anime Club

Nagpur Anime Club

Noida Anime Club

Odisha Anime Club

Pune Anime Club

Shillong Anime Club

Vizag Anime Realm

Monday, June 9, 2014

Mid-day musings

April, though, half-interested in the day's Software Engineering class at university had things aplenty to brew about in her mind: she was hungry, but with an hour or more to go for the lunch bell, she simply had to pen this down to keep her mind diverted--from both the drone of the Professor's Power Point lecture, and also the strong pulls of her hunger pang.

-----

Yellow satin, and
Hues of white.
Won't do to touch it--
For the teacher is in sight.

Nib or nap
Is a choice so tough.
Though he is all yap,
I dream of the veg-puff.

Yes, I am hungry now.
So my mind won't stay low.
I need my chow and
That, you ought to know.

Hunger and poetry
Must be given a try;
Odd things and even ones
Sometimes make a good fry.

-----

Notes: 
1. The yellow and white hued 'satin' was April's veil, which is part of her university's prescribed dress-code that is most annoying. No, April doesn't know what material the veil is made of; the word used here is purely for achieving poetical rhythm.

2. Now that she thinks of what food she actually wanted to sink her teeth into when composing this, April recalls that it was not a veg-puff, but was a samosa. 


Sunday, June 1, 2014

Midnight musings. Almost.

She writes her way into the night, void of music, save for the continual tapping sound of her fingertips against the keys on her computer. The tap is so soothing when the setting is right, and statistically sad when she has a sane source not, to turn toward for inspiration.

  

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Turn off

As interesting and riveting the article might be, April honestly loses all or any interest in reading it once she notices the lack of grammar, or how even general grammar is treated badly. Its like watching a molesting footage live.

---

#‎writerproblems‬ ‪#‎writer‬ ‪#‎books‬ ‪#‎literature‬

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Kit Kat


Oh but softly enfold my fingers the chocolat,
while guiding it upward to my lips, on whose
texture is the delight found yet softer, though
softer still is the silky mood I fall upon when
the play of tongue and teeth work upon
breaking down the brown bars.

---

#poetic #feels #literature




Sunday, March 30, 2014

Physical Fix

April Twelving started out with reading Jules Verne novels and though I've tried other genres in the world of books, I have remained faithful to the classical novels. Call me old fashioned but there is much more to learn from the classical category. Be it the delicacy of notions, languages or how they lived, you get to have your very own window that overlooks the finest of your unhindered imagination of putting up a vivid mental sketch of how the world in which the novel was conceptualized was. Also, you get to know more about history and its different cadences so wonderfully and actually be able to digest it; your high school or elementary history text book would have never helped you to come to this realm of understanding with proper realization of the facts.

Enough of this cross track riff raff. What I mean to say is that novels have taught me so much and have been pivotal to my life so far. I end up realizing that many things that have happened to me in life is just exactly or almost the same of how some character in this book I had read was. There are also those instances where some happenings from this book I had read show a much similar stance of what I am going through. But, these might happen to all readers, no doubt about that. But the impact of what that piece of reading brought upon the reader is what is always different, and important.

I fell in love with the way Thomas Cromwell was portrayed in C J Sansom's Dissolution and then with two of Hilary Mantel's works that have been released so far, both winning prestigious prizes and acclaim everywhere. Miss Mantel's work is so excellently profound that each word gives out the feel of poetry being read out from the poet's lips in the most natural fashion. I remember a point from either of the Mantel novels that George Boleyn wanted to divorce his wife because he never felt like doing his deed toward her, and also another stately woman complaining to the king outwardly that she wanted to split from her husband citing that in all their days of holy union, he had never done his duty toward her. Why? That is easy to understand as soon as you read that in the novel: she felt utterly neglected.

Not just Miss Mantel's work has made me constantly recall this--spouses feeling utterly neglected and wanting to eventually separate because the 'holy' deed toward them wasn't done--but there have been many other books that have some characters swirling around this dispute. Its just that the way it was written out in Miss Mantel's book was so delicately true to life that I always recall it.

I have been recalling those scenes from the book for many a times these last few months. The reason is quite obvious if the last two paragraphs made perfect sense to the reader. Today was the final straw as it is put, for me to put down my feet over that negligence and for once make myself heard, even if not that clearly. The crux is that though I have understood with a serious mien when I have read that lack of physical love takes huge tolls on relationships, I only truly comprehend that now as I am a 'victim' of that.

No matter how clearly I put the message across, there was nothing echoing from the other side as a sign of love, and assurance. There wasn't anything comforting but feigning (or not) ignorance. It actually hurts, and kills your personal sunshine on the inside, and the world is just winter solstice all over.

No reconciliation but constant arguments that are pointless to what I'm trying to reach across is terrible. Such sentences do make me sound like the bad guy. But this 'bad guy' here is hurt deep down, and you just don't want to see or understand that.

Finale: 'Just saying, hon.......you gave up long ago' is what I get as a reply.

Well, the context back then was ENTIRELY different and positively compelling me to give up. Using that context which is SO unrelated to the current context is just proof of how much you understand my pain. Maybe you just want me to give up on you wholly.

I hate what I feel, and even despise even more what I told you. But there are things that must be communicated for the better or worse. And I did that. But you never reached out to me, never. I write this with tears threatening to spill down my already tear soiled face. You wouldn't know that. You would only believe that I am just another biatch in the block. But go ahead.

Have it your way.
Ich bin liebe anyway.


Sunday, January 5, 2014

日本語先生からの吸気な電話。

先月まで行ってた日本語学校の先生から今、三十分くらいかかった電話がありました。日本語能力試験三級レベルのクラスは去年の十一月まで行われていた;私はそのクラスに行っていた。十二月の一日に三級試験を受けて、後二級クラスも同じ日本語学校でやろうと思っていた。けど、学校の二級クラスは毎週の土曜日だけに行われますから、私にとってダメ。土曜日も大学があるから。Bangaloreにいる他の日本語学校に行われる二級クラスを調べて見たら、それもダメだった:二級勉強をちゃんと教える学校は私行っていた学校だけだから。ピンチだった、今もピンチ中。この間に日本政府文部科学書奨学金にも不合格して、気持ち悪くて、モチベショんが無くなっちゃった。先生から今の電話はすごかったし、先生は『クラス何かのことあなたはあまり気にしなくて、心配かけなくていい。私はあなたの能力に信じてます、あなたは自分で集中して日本語勉強すればいい。問題と質問があったら私にお連絡してね。』と言った。私はすっごく嬉しい!

今月の16日~22日まで大学試験。その後、すBangalore Nihongo Kyoshikai Bnkに行って、図書館のメンバーシップしようと思ってます。そうすれば、Bangalore大学の外国語部の図書館の本を使うことになると思います。

まあ、こんな長いものになったな~これ^。^ピンチ中に先生からこんな吸気な話は私をちょっとリラックスして、新しいチャレンジを受けるためにさぽ一トしてます!!

April Twelving。